“Figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it.”

I have heard this message a lot lately and honestly, it really scared me. It scared me to think about articulating what I want, on small and large scale. I’ve been scared to ask for what I want and I’ve lied to myself and others as to the reason behind this fear for many years.

I would never have said that I don’t think I matter. I believe in an all loving God. I believe He died for me and loves me beyond measure. I am confident and strong and independent. Yet I’ve been learning that there are still some deep murky waters in my heart that I’m only beginning to give God access to. I’m learning what it looks like to live out being loved by Him- living the belief that I matter just as I am, not because of anything I do.

God never makes us hustle for our worth. He simply says we are worthy.

When I believe that I matter I speak my needs and wants and set appropriate boundaries. When I do not, I can fall into people pleasing behavior and exhibit a lack of boundaries which then reflect my belief that I don’t matter. I begin to hustle for my worth.

Jesus had perfect boundaries. He didn’t mince words. He articulated His wants and allowed people to make their own choices never owning them for Himself. Judas being just one example of this. Jesus loved him, he gave Judas opportunity to make choices and ultimately he let Judas choose and allowed him to accept the consequences of his choices. I, on the other hand, would have tried to save Judas from his consequences or questioned what I did wrong or could have done better to help him to have made better choices. Insert uncomfortable laugh here as the realization sets in of how ridiculous this is, but how true. I have done this with people I loved.

I’m learning a lot about what I choose to believe and to really push through my emotions to the thoughts at their root, to expose and examine my core thinking and beliefs.

Mark 11:24 “whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

A trusted confidant recently told me, “Our brain will look for evidence of what we believe.” This scientific fact aligns in every way with the message God continually calls us back to

Hebrews 11 “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of that which we cannot see”

Matthew 9:29 “According to what you believe it will be given*” (*some versions: it will happen) also see Matt21:22

When I believe I matter I take responsibility for myself and know I have an impact on others without taking responsibility for others.

I cannot cause someone else to behave a certain way. I am not responsible for others behavior. I am only responsible for my own.

My goal is to become the most loving and forgiving person I can be. God created me as I am and He loves me just as I am, those in my life do to, those who don’t, well that’s ok, their opinion of me is just that, their opinion, it does not take away from or add to my worth.

Seeing myself as God sees me more and more helps me to live and love from this sold, faithful, loving place. No one needs to confirm for me that I matter nor do I need to confirm for anyone else that they do. I am free to just show up and be me because I am worthy, and so are you.

God’s love has boundaries.