How does it happen? A young couple begins married life with joy and anticipation. Years pass bringing the blessing of children and increased prosperity. Everything is good. Everyone is happy. Then suddenly an ugly word is uttered. Divorce. Like a great tidal wave, it engulfs and destroys everything in its path. And in its wake, the survivors are left to ask what happened?
I must admit that I really don’t know how to proceed with this article. The last thing I want is to be judgmental. Yet I am troubled by the amount of divorce and the destruction it causes. Families are forever changed. Friendships are lost. Misery abounds. Why? What are the factors that feed the epidemic of divorce? “My needs aren’t being met.” In the course of our marriage, each of us has either spoken these words or thought them. “What’s in it for me?” When we begin to have these thoughts, the seeds of our own destruction are being sown. As Christians, we are to place the welfare of our mate above our own. Rarely do we do this. Instead of a field of dreams, our marriages become a battleground over position and power. Unspoken hurt is piled upon unspoken hurt until a smoldering ember of resentment ignites into full blown anger. Affection is withdrawn. Two strangers now sleep in a single bed. Still, the couple goes through life like a pair of paper cut-out dolls. False smiles pasted on their faces as if nothing was wrong. But something is wrong, isn’t it? Something unseen yet always there, like some lingering shadow of unspoken evil. That sick empty feeling in your stomach when you know something is wrong but you don’t know what to do with it.
It is not my intention to provide any naive or pie-in-the-sky ideas to save a marriage. Each of us needs to ask, what is my focus? Is my personal pleasure more important than my marriage? How does my relationship with my mate affect our children? If my current mate doesn’t fill in all the cracks in my personality, why would another? The tragedy of it all is, most divorces never need to happen. Difference can be reconciled. God can restore. Both parties need to submit to God and then to each other. This is never easy, but you can succeed. It is heartbreaking to witness the pain of divorce. I lay awake at night and worry about my friends that have and will experience it. It is a constant reminder to all of us that we need to make a greater effort to preserve and improve our marriages. Let’s do our best to make our mates better, not bitter.