"Surround yourself with those who see and nurture your gifts and exhort you to be better than you already are. Take stock in friends who will speak the truth to you in love, but extend grace to you as well." Michelle McKinney Hammond, from THE DIVA PRINCIPLE
Overcoming bitterness can be an interesting process. I recently went through it. I dealt with the hurt and anger I felt as a result of someone else’s actions and in the end God replaced the bitterness with compassion. Trust me, this was not as easy of a process as it reads; in fact it makes me a bit flustered just seeing how simple this very complex process looks once it is summed up in the above sentence!
Matthew 7:1-5 (The Message) 1 "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults--unless, of course, you want the same treatment. 2 That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. 3 It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. 4 Do you have the nerve to say, "Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? 5 It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.”
Only when I was able to see past myself and what I thought was ‘Right’ was I able to have compassion and genuine sorrow for the situation of the person who hurt me. Jesus was able to simply look at people and have compassion on them; Matt9:36,14:14,15:32,20:34, Mr6:34, Mr8:2. There are no strings attached from compassion to justice. Jesus healed some and they were grateful, yet others turned around and did what he told them not to do resulting in him having to stay outside in lonely places.
Although I was unjustly wronged I could not see past my hurt to see why this person had hurt me in the first place. Once I fought past the bitterness I was overwhelmed with genuine concern for this person and their situation. It was no longer about what they had done to me but more so about where they were in their life. My concern prompted me to contact this person and express what I saw in them despite what had happened between us. This does not mean we are friends again, not in any stretch of the imagination, but this person does know that I am here, and I can genuinely say that I am.
When I lack compassion I judge others. I judge people when I feel they have acted unjustly towards me, and I can extend the same judgment to those who I feel have wronged others I care about, making me critical and short sighted. When I am quick to judge I don’t take the time to consider that there might be a second side to the story. I saw how little I can trust God to provide for me and those I care about. How arrogant of me to think that I care about the people in my life more than God does. He cares more about all of us then I could even fathom. My distrust in God, His grace, and His powerful love for me and others can lead to bitterness and prevent me from being used by Him, speaking the truth, and giving to those around me. It can rob me of the friendships described by Michelle McKinney Hammond above.
Genuine compassion is not something easily invoked, nor can it be faked. To truly feel and act out of compassion I continually have to hand myself and loved ones over to God in prayer. I know that this is only the beginning of a longer journey to trust and contentment, but it is also a journey to draw me closer to God. This makes all the pain that is sure to come with many more heart aches in my life and in the lives of those I care about it, worth it.