You sin. You mess up bad, maybe you mess up bad multiple times. You confess and begin to actively repent of your sin. God forgives you and others support you. Yet you continue to beat your self up, push others away. You decide you are not ‘good enough’ for those who care about you. You punish yourself and ‘protect’ others from the ‘bad version of you’. Since you are in a bad place or still recovering from a bad place you don’t want to ‘drag them down with you’. They are better off without you and you are better off dealing with this alone. Ever feel this way?
I have. I recently have seen others around me kick into this mode of thinking and have been so frustrated, but then I remembered that I too have been there. Why do we do this? After a discussion with a close friend who also admitted to doing this I thought of where this came from in me when I did it- lack of understanding of God's grace, self destructive behavior and the need for control (lack of trust in God). And then this past Sunday the sermon was on understanding forgiveness from God's point of view and this added a whole new dimension for me.
Grace is a gift. According to the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, “In 1 Peter 1:13 charis {Greek for grace} is the future heavenly blessedness that Christians are to receive.
2Cor12:9 (The Message) and then he told me, My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.
We can not earn grace any more then we earn forgiveness—in fact, God forgives us by his grace. In Luke15:11-24 we find the parable of the prodigal son. This young man basically wished his father dead so that he could receive his inheritance and go off to do his own thing. He lived it up, wasted it and ended up doing work that in his culture was utterly disgusting and unacceptable (like asking for his inheritance and leaving home wasn’t bad enough). I have heard many a sermon on the son’s actions but I feel like I didn’t spend enough time in the past examining the fathers reaction. It is so astounding to me—this father who had been so deliberately hurt by his son, like God is by me so many times. The Father forgave him before he ever came back and asked for it. The speech he had rehearsed, the repentance in his heart and action to run home that was not what inclined the father to forgive him. The boy's return did not motivate the Father to forgive him.
“When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. 21The son started his speech: "
Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you; I don't deserve to be called your son ever again.'22"But the father wasn't listening. He was calling to the servants, "Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We're going to feast! We're going to have a wonderful time!”
The father had forgiven him not because of his action, but because of the Father’s grace and love which can not be earned. No matter what we have done we can always come home to God. His arms are open and those around us who understand this loving, gracious, forgiving father- they too are here for us in the good and the bad if we just let them be there for us.