One would think that a control freak would naturally be good at self control. After all what could be easier to control than oneself? Well, apparently this control freak can attempt to control many things outside her realm of control, but when it comes to self control I often lack the breaks. I began a study on self control when I noticed how easily I could let things slip; my temper, my tongue (what I say), my emotions and so on. The study began by seeking to have a better understanding of anger and really trying not to respond in anger when I am hurt. After multiple encounters with one of the people God so graciously put in my life who absolutely enraged me through her behavior, I realized I was not making as much of an effort to restrain my anger towards her.
An interesting thing happened as I studied out self control. I picked up a book, which I thought was on a completely different topic - romantic relationships. But as I read, I found myself looking at themes and passages on self control.
Self control: control or restraint of oneself or one's actions, feelings, etc.
As humans, we are inclined to act on our emotions and desires for instant gratification rather than doing what is right and often what will be the best for us in the long run.
There are many versus that speak about self-control and yet I must admit I often overlooked this noun.
Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV) “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Against such things there is no law.”
2 Peter 1:5-7 (NIV) “For this reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self control; and to self control, perseverance...”
I am called to make every effort to practice self control as I gain knowledge. Not only that but I should persevere in continually practicing self control.
As I continued this study, it led me to scriptures about David’s restraint with Saul (1Samuel) and Jesus remaining silent when falsely accused - showing self control (Matthew 26 & 27). I began examining the areas of my life to which I am capable of displaying self control and in areas I don’t do so well in. Ironically enough the areas in which I lack self control are the very areas of my life that I have trouble trusting God in. I began to see that when I felt God would not be able to “right a wrong” I did not display self control. This often could be identified as me reacting in anger when I have been hurt.
Another area of my life I have lacked restraint in, and this is a big one, has been my love life. I constantly struggle to trust God with this aspect of my life. What I mean by that is, I struggle with the idea of ending up with the right person for me. Notice I am not saying that I struggle with finding someone, I think anybody can find someone, but finding the right fit is the hard part and in my opinion, there is way too much room for human error. I must admit as hard as it has been to surrender my hurt feelings along with my curiosity of a future 'potential someone', its been so much easier to practice restraint and self control as I have given these things over to God. The more I see courtship and dating, as defined by Joshua Harris, as a time in which to refrain from physical intimacy, deepen friendship, learn about the others values, goals, the more I am content and willing to wait. In the past I have even gone as far in my warped thinking as to think, “Ok God, if you could just give me a clue as to what my future holds then I will be more patient and willing to wait for it.” Yea right! The way courtship is described above- getting to know someone's character- takes time. When someone wrongs me, it too takes time to heal and it can take time for him or her to realize the pain they have caused and apologize. Sometimes, (gasp) a ridiculous amount of time passes and nothing happens!
I think of time as the ultimate ingredient used by God to season His plan for me to perfection. I can try to skimp on the ingredient and end up with something barely eatable or hold out for the perfect meal. Sometimes I will have to bite my tongue, suck up my hurt feelings or simply wait and see what happens with the friendships in my life. It is a daily struggle not to take matters into my own hands or not to press the self destruct button. But each day as I persevere in restraining myself I find myself learning something new and I’m at peace. Honestly, it’s made me feel so much lighter because I am not taking on the burden of trying to figure everything out on my own - whether it’s righting wrongs or seeing into the future. It isn’t as hard to practice restraint when one believes that it will produce something much greater in the long run. The right words, those that have been thought out carefully, are more powerful and effective than those said out of anger and lets face it, as cliché as it is, the right man is worth waiting for.