If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and truth. This then is how we know we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rests in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:17-20
For someone who barely survives paycheck to paycheck with no savings account, it amazes me how God is providing for me over a 1-2 month sabbatical. Think about it: no income whatsoever, no spouse, roommate or relative to help me out. In all reality, I should be starving with my car repossessed and an eviction notice on my door.
Before I went on this respite, I prayed and genuinely sought God’s guidance. The situation was hopeless. If I continued the way that I was feeling, I would have either been in a hospital or grave site by now. As I told a friend, I now understand how people snap and ‘go postal’ because I was there. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it seemed no one could help me, which was my salvation. Jesus was the only one who could ‘fix’ the situation as I kept hoping in people and people kept being people, limited in abilities and understanding – no fault of their own.
Finally, I told God that his Word says if a man will not work, he will not eat (2 Thessalonians 3:10) so I had to keep working. He led me to Matthew 6:26 which says, “Look at the birds in the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”
While this brought me comfort, I must admit I only leaned on this verse because I had no other option. God gets me a lot that way, allowing me to try all my ‘solutions’ instead of trusting him from the beginning. When will I learn to call on Him first?
As I face another day without secure income, he reminds me to follow Him one day at a time. I promise Him I will be productive with this time so those through he is providing will not regret helping me, and he reminds me of the truth: I need to make the most of every day, because I am ultimately working for Him (Ephesians 6:7).
He has been working on my wounded heart through this, including my bitterness toward my relatives. The more blessed I am by friends and non-related loved ones, the more confused and hurt I am realizing things are not as I believed with my family of origin. How could those who raised me turn their backs when I need them most? And how could I accept such generosity from those who have known me a year or two? (I even told one friend I refused to take his assistance, when he assertively told me he was not going to argue with me… reading 1 John 3, I realize his reaction is from the presence of Jesus in his life). It can mess with a girl’s mind! Ultimately, I know I may never understand, and I am called to love and respect my parents, which I do from afar.
You know, I have never been poorer by worldly standards than now… yet I have never felt richer, for His grace is all I need. His power comes through in my weakness. He it truly awesome.