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If I do not give [my husband] the "benefit of the doubt," But put the worst construction instead of the best on what is said or done, Then I know nothing of Calvary love.-Amy Carmichael

I must admit that my next hint for less-than-cheerful wives was definitely a conclusion that took me more than a few weeks to reach. But, here goes. Hint # 2 for irritated wives is this: Lighten Up! Since when did you become perfect?

Scott and I were working at a church camp the first time I got a clue that I might not be perfect. It was before we got married, and Scott asked me the question: "What are your faults?" I squinted my eyebrows hoping that would help me understand the question, but it didn't help at all. What were my faults? To my knowledge, I didn't have any. I was raised in the Southern Culture where self-evaluation was taboo. For all I knew, I was perfect all the time in every way. I hear you all laughing loudly out there-but it's true. I had never considered what my imperfections might be.

But, maybe without even realizing it, you feel the same way in your marriage. You are the perfect one, and he is the huge screw-up. If he would only do things exactly the way you tell him, everything would always be perfect. I hope the ridiculousness of that thinking is clear to you. As James 3:2 reminds us "we all stumble in many ways."

I will say this in plain English so you don't miss it: "I'm not perfect, and neither are you!" We forget, and undo, and disappoint just as much as our husbands do-maybe even more! It's possible that we are the only reason tension exists in the marriage. It's possible that we might never be happy, no matter how hard our husbands try to be perfect and please us, unless we decide to be happy.

So, this is the deal. When you become perfect-when you always do everything he asks the first time, when you never forget to pay a bill, when you always meet his physical needs when he needs it-then you can start asking him to change. When you become the perfect wife, you can ask him to become the perfect husband.

So here is the verse for us to put by the kitchen sink again this week. (I am impressed if you've already memorized it.):

"Finally, [sisters], whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

Dwell on all his good points, and your husband might seem a little closer to perfect. Work on fixing your imperfections, and you'll be too busy to worry about his.

"God's Words For US" from Cecelia Lester

Yahweh Shammah,