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Loose Lips Sink Ships

There's a rule that Scott and I have followed since we first got married. We didn't write it down anywhere or post it on the wall, but we practiced it fiercely. We never talked about our problems with anyone but each other. No mothers, no sisters, no next-door neighbors, and no best friends were privy to our often heated disagreements. I only discussed Scott's annoying habits with Scott, and he only discussed my annoying habits with me. There were several reasons.

I was from a small town where reputation is EVERYTHING. Once you've lost your good reputation, there is nothing you can do to get it back. Twenty years as faithful baseball coach can never make up for the fact that you quit Little League when you were eleven. So, I didn't want people to worry for the next 70 years about my marriage because they knew the first year was hard.

There was another reason that we kept our "issues" to ourselves.
My family loves me. My family loves Scott. My family doesn't love Scott as much as I love Scott. Scott's family loves Scott. Scott's family loves me. Scott's family doesn't love me as much as Scott loves me. So, while I could scream and yell and steam at Scott, I could also forgive, and kiss, and hug Scott as if nothing had ever happened. Others are not as passionately devoted to Scott as me. If I share all his wrongs, my parents, or brother, or best friend might not be able to wipe the slate as clean as I can . They may find it hard to respect and forgive the one who "wounded their widdle girl."

So, what do you do when you're about to explode and need to talk? I've got two suggestions. My best idea is to pray. Get a journal and write out your concerns and pains in a prayer to God. You will be surprised at how that calms you, strengthens you, and opens your eyes to the truth of the situation. (And surprise, surprise, surprise! You might discover who, I mean what, the probably really is.)

My second suggestion if you really need help is to seek counsel from a mature couple. Find an unbiased couple who has a marriage you admire. Share your concerns and questions with them.

You might want to memorize this verse too: (it has a few other words of advice for marriage too:))

"To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; Not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. For, "The one who desires life, to love and see good days, must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit. " (I Peter 3:9-10.)

"Voice of Inspiration" from Andy Castro

Psalms 91:13