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I am a generally perceptive person. However, the flip side of perception can often be criticalness and down right arrogance. I can often see the fault in others and see myself blameless. After many years I have learned to be cautions when these thoughts and feelings come. The saying is true - pride does come before the fall. What they don’t tell you is that the fall is not a kind of stumble-and-trip type of fall but rather a smacked-across-the-knee-caps-buckling-in-pain fall. One would think that after a couple of these falls I would have learned my lesson, but sadly and well, ironically, I have not. I can almost hear a friendly voice call out, “Stay down stupid!”

I have seen my pride flair up in many ways over the years. Each time I learn a new lesson and each time is equally painful in its own unique way. The result is usually the same- me face down eating metaphorical dirt. One thing I have been learning recently is how my pride can exhibit itself as a lack of my understanding of God’s grace. I see how grace (if I truly grasp it) should change the way I relate to others around me.

John5:44 (Message) How do you expect to get anywhere with God when you spend all your time jockeying for position with each other, ranking your rivals and ignoring God?

(NIV) How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?

There is someone who I work with who has been really difficult to work with since I started. The longer this person’s negative behavior went on the more I withdrew from them and at the office in general. I even began to be known as the moppy one recently. I realized that this attitude was a result of my failed efforts for recognition and validation from those around me. Worst yet, I wanted to be recognized as better than someone else. I wanted to be recognized as better than this person who in my eyes was just plain mean and manipulative. I did not mistreat the person or repay wrong for wrong, but I also did not make any effort to be kind and loving to the person. I did the bare minimum and thought that was enough. A friend recently asked if I had been praying about the situation and I acknowledged that I had been. I had been praying for favor in our supervisor’s eyes and for discernment in my actions. It was then suggested that I pray for this person and I have to say- I didn’t want to. I still don’t. That is how I am beginning to see my pride rear its ugly head and that is why I am beginning to see the link to my lack of understanding of Grace.

Matthew 18:21-35 (Message) 29 "The poor wretch threw himself down and begged, "Give me a chance and I'll pay it all back.' 30 But he wouldn't do it. He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid. 31 When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king. 32 "The king summoned the man and said, "You evil servant! I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy. 33 Shouldn't you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy?'

Grace and forgiveness are based on my understanding of how much I have been forgiven and how much has been given to me freely. My pride and arrogance blinds me to this truth. It is my pride that tells me I am better and more deserving. It is my pride that feeds my sense of entitlement. Like the parable in the book of Matthew, I have been forgiven a great debt and yet I withhold simple small acts of love and refuse to forgive (in comparison) the insignificant debt against me.

v31 When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king.

I have also noticed that if I do not recognize my pride for what it is I misrepresent God and others do see it. Not only do my other co-workers see that I am down but they do not see me being any different than others. I may not be slandering anyone or being malicious, but I am also not being an example. It is not only this person’s fault. Fault lies with me as well. If I do not extend love and continue to refuse to pray for this individual I am as much at fault- in fact more so because I know better. Jesus never got mad at anyone who did something to him or mistreated him. He got mad at those who mistreated God or others. I cannot be critical and judgmental. I must show compassion not irritation. I should speak graciously, be compassionate and live a life of love as a response of gratitude for what I have been given freely because silence can be just as backbiting as hurtful or profane words. So I am still not in a place to pray for this person but I am making more of an effort to go out of my way (even though I really don’t want to) to express kind, loving words and deeds. At the end of the day I think this is only the beginning- this relationship is but one that is probably reflecting how I view many others but God has used this situation to show me what I must change.

Ephesians 4:29-5:2 (Message) 29 Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. 30 Don't grieve God. Don't break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don't take such a gift for granted. 31Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. 32Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.

"Inspiration For You" from Randy Mitchell

Keep Your Dreams to Yourself