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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
I just celebrated a birthday. I did not throw a party, nor was there one thrown in my honor. I did not remind people as I have done in the past. I did nothing out of the ordinary and I watched it pass. Nothing grand happened, no revelation came - I just got a year older. However, the day after my birthday I gathered a small group of trusted women around me and toasted to the new year ahead. I set goals and asked these women to hold me to them (I know I will be regretting that one).
This year seemed to have literally sliped past me and it had been so much less eventful or memorable than past years. Yet, here I was a year older. I realized however, that whether it is on my birthday, on New Years, or on a random Tuesday in a given month, I determine when I will set my new beginning. I determine whether I will embrace every moment or try to force moments, as I would like them to be.
Gal3:3 (Message) 3 Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it?
When I became a Christian I grasped every day as a new beginning and relied on God for what each day held. I prayed in expectation and looked forward to how He would surprise me. Yet, somewhere along the way, there have been times when I grew tired of surprises and began to desire days to just be what I wished them to be and nothing else. This past year I know there were moments which I could have gotten a lot more enjoyment out of, experiences I would have cherished more if I relied on God more instead of trying to complete so many things by my own efforts.
As I set goals for this year and had this very simple birthday celebration I recognized that I cannot see what will result from that which I am now beginning. I find myself both apprehensive and enthusiastic at the same time. However, I know that God sees not just the beginning but the whole, and when I strive for my vision of perfection I miss out on His. He began a good work in me long before I was ever born. If I recognize that, I will credit Him with all my success and in turn be able to enjoy many more. God has not run out of blessings for me. It is I who stopped recognizing them because they did not come in the shapes I expected. I cannot complete this year on my own efforts any more than I can complete my walk with God on my own. I must put before God that which I will attempt to begin. There will be days I forget again. There will be good and bad days. Therefore, I must be willing to squint really hard to see not what I want to see but to see what God is trying to show me.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
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