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Quiet Time

    by Kasia Kedzia

A Lovable Villain
Date Posted: March 10, 2009


It is easy for me to extend grace to those who are not close to me. However, if you hurt someone I care about, oh I will wish God’s wrath upon you quicker than you can sneeze! If you look like a villain to me, I quickly run out of grace. The more I have been understanding God’s love the more I have been able to understand and implement grace in my heart as well as in my actions. However much we would like not to, we all play the villain sometime. Sometimes it’s not about being the villain or the hero, it’s about asking why. What on earth would push any of us to do something that would earn us the starring role as the villain?

Extending forgiveness to someone who has seemingly run out of chances, wanting someone to get punished for wrong-doing, these are the thoughts of my heart more often than those of understanding and grace. I want the coworker who mistreats me at work to publicly fall flat on her face. I don’t want to see a close friend give their heart again only to get hurt. I want to protect those in my life who I care about and hurt those who hurt others. It takes a lot to change this perspective, but I caught a glimpse of the right perspective recently. As I read John8:1-11 I was able to see grace overflowing from Jesus’ love for this woman and for the first time I saw this story in a way I had not seen it before.

John 8:7-11 (NIV) 7"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" 11"No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared.


In the past I have read this story and focused in on verse 10 which points out we all have sin and therefore should be careful in judging others harshly as we are no better. This was a good reminder indeed, but it is not what gripped my heart. When I have seen this woman in the past I too didn’t think much of her. She was after all a prostitute at worst, or an adulteress at best. Neither of which would be the average young girl’s aspiration growing up. So might have this really been hers? Of course not! I think when Jesus saw this woman he saw her for who she really was apart from her actions. She was a woman desperately seeking to be loved and at the end of the day are we not all desperately seeking to be loved? We want to be loved, we want to feel loved and in order to attain love some of us resort to poor judgment and we make mistakes.

When I was able to see this woman the way God saw her, standing there, ashamed, confused and most likely heartbroken in so many ways, my heart went out to her. When I was able to put myself in her place and see how Jesus loved and saw her I was able to catch a glimpse of how he sees me. This was a very vulnerable and striking moment. The thought echoed in my mind, “She desperately desired to be loved.” There are many people who seemingly have ‘run out of chances’, and I am one of them. There are many who have done wrong, so wrong that it’s ugly. I have been ugly too. In our desperation and warped desire to be loved we have all done things that do not deserve grace. Yet, God loves us. God loves us in the most impossible way - even when we are unlovable and stupid, He loves us.

When I was able to see this love Jesus extended her, and me, I was able to extend so much more grace to those around me. I was able to let go of my desire for control and my fear of being vulnerable. I was able to admit that I too desire to be loved and feel love. By admitting this to myself, and now to you as well, I was able to allow myself to be loved by God. I realized that sometimes, it is hard to give grace because it has nothing to do with me!

“God is so vastly wonderful, so utterly and completely delightful that He can, without anything other than Himself, meet and overflow the deepest demands of our total nature, mysterious and deep as that nature is.” - A.W. Tozer

Psalm 61:2 I call as my heart grows faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.

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Biography Information:
Gods brought me a long way from the New York City Housing Projects. I studied the Bible, repented, and was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins when I was 17 and have been repenting and striving towards heaven ever since. The hardest thing about becoming a Christian at 17 was trusting that God would take care of me, meet my emotional teen needs, and help me overcome my enormous insecurity...what else would a teen girl have trouble with?

Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved  to DC  to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.

Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.

Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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