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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
The best lies carry an element of truth. To distinguish genuine truth takes alertness and constant pursuit.
2 Corinthians 11:3,14-15 (NIV) But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ… 14And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. 15 It is not surprising then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness.
Satan disguises himself as an angel of light who understands and relates to the yearnings of my heart. I long for love, acceptance, control, independence, adventure and romance. God knows these longings too but sometimes I fall for the lie that he is withholding. The truth is that God does not withhold any good thing. The security God gives me through my faith in him is moldable, rare, and flourishes even when refined by fire. Deeper security can come through tests, suffering and sorrow. I for one don’t jump for joy at that description. I may desire deeper security, but when I look at what it takes to obtain there are times when I want the “light” version, and that’s exactly what Satan banks on.
My knowledge of God will always be tested to expose the weaknesses in my faith. It is in those weak crevices of my heart that lies can seep in, take hold and be cultivated into full-blown strongholds. The deepest attacks, the most incapacitating ones are often just short of truth. A small-scale example, is me choosing not to give to someone because I question their motives. If I am able to give but not willing to I am really saying that I need to protect myself from being taken advantage of. I choose the lie that self-protection will grant me security. And it may temporarily, but in hindsight I lose an opportunity to give to someone and allow God to protect and meet my needs. It is not for me to judge a person’s motives, it is for me to trust God’s love and give out of that love.
When I believe the lie I act on false security. The harder I work at gaining security from the lie the more insecure I feel. Anyone of us can look to man, an organization, work, etc. for self-esteem. It takes daily examination to see if we have hung unrealistic expectations on any person or thing to meet our needs. In that company you work for do you seek validity and acknowledgment for your performance to the point you feel like a failure when it doesn’t come or stop taking risks? In relationships do you feel less worth or want to be anything but your most genuine self if you are rejected?
I face my lies one day at a time. A few months back I found myself holding onto the lie that no one would make me feel how person X made me feel; that I am unlovable. When desire for romantic love becomes greater than the desire for God’s will I can easily compromise myself and others. Lies resonate with the vulnerable heart. They have no substance yet appear so real. The allure of deception often comes in the form of perceived potential. I then have a choice to hand that potential over to God, trusting that his will is about the acceptance of someone for who they are, not for who they can be. In his time, he will always give us what we need, which is his absolute best.
1 Corinthians 4:5 Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.
In the past I have looked to man or work for validation and security. When rejection or disappointment came in one area I would heave all my hopes and desires for fulfillment on the other like a weighted vest that would eventually crush them and disappoint me. Over the years I had to learn, and constantly be reminded that none of the things I seek, apart from God, will bring me security. When I use performance, self-reliance, self-protection, approval, or romantic love to replace the security that God offers they become false securities that only make me more insecure.
Time is the ultimate truth teller. God weaves time into a protective blanket that may keep us in the dark, but will eventually make all things clear. To see the truth we need to look through God’s lenses. The truth is, that I am loved by the creator of this universe, and so are you. It is an intimate, protective and powerful love that grants me the freedom to be my most genuine self and live my life to the full. It is a love that does not flatter and demands that I not sell myself short. I must devote myself entirely to it. It empowers me to give and be more. When I believe the lies, my insecurities are strengthened and I don’t share God’s love with others. This only leads to regrets and second-guessing. There is only one place I can really stand, and that is in God’s presence. Knowing God as my Rock enables me to continue to give my heart even when life hurts. It frees me to be more of my genuine self with all people. No person or organization can anchor my life. Knowing God as my anchor gives me assurance that when the storms come or when others let me down, he is holding me steady. This has given me great peace and freedom lately.
Habakkuk 3:16-19 I heard and my heart pounded, my lips quivered at the sound; […] Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity to come on the nation invading us. 17 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, 18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. 19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feel of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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