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Quiet Time

    by Kasia Kedzia

An Honest Fight - Change Starts With Truth
Date Posted: August 9, 2011

I am not the type of person that is motivated by phrases such as, “Good job!” or “That was great!” I am more inspired by, “You can do better!” or “You have more in you!” The latter makes me feel believed in, like I am capable of more versus the former which leaves me feeling like the person thinks I can’t do any better. As a result of this thinking I have run into some potholes in my journey with God. God says in 2Cor12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you.”

I am a worker, a fighter, a survivor. This results in me really thinking I can conquer all of my weaknesses and I can, but ONLY through Grace. The more I embark on this journey to make God enough, to make him everything, the more he has exposed the roadblocks I have placed preventing me from this very thing. Sometimes I am my own enemy.

Rm5:20-21 (NIV) The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, 21 so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

It is through grace, through Jesus that I can conquer my sin, my fears, my insecurities and anything else that keeps me from drawing closer to God and trusting him completely. The only way through some of my challenges is honesty. It takes being ridiculously, unabashedly honest with myself and others as to why I make certain decisions or take certain actions. I have to admit when I am feeling insecure, or afraid. When I can identify these feelings I have a starting point. I have something tangible to hand over to God. When I don’t do this it is easy for me to run to worldly comforts, comfort food for example, or I can just shut down emotionally denying or acting like the feelings are not there. These responses prevent me from dealing with my heart and allowing God to do more, to really display his power in my life. When I do things his way it allows me to experience his love for me. It allows me to feed the Spirit instead of fear or insecurity.

Psalm 105:4 Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgment he pronounced.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Transforming faith is faith that creates change. When I am faced with an area in my life or character that I do not think I can change it is there that God brings me to a place that I can be broken before him and change only by his grace. When he does this it is him telling me to take it deeper, it’s his way of telling me he thinks I can do more but only on his strength. I have my part and he has his. I don’t need to go at it alone but I also can’t sit back and do nothing.

Phil2:12-13Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

I am called to work at it but he also works in me. Understanding this reveals God’s love and tenderness so much more to me. Seeing God in the right perspective of who he is allows and empowers me to lean on his grace instead of plowing into a pint of chocolate ice cream or seeking affirmation elsewhere just to make me feel better about myself.

In order to implement grace I have to remember to look for progress, not perfection. This means being realistic and sometimes requires patience with myself. Waiting sucks, but when I see God’s love, even a glimpse of it I am more than willing to wait for his will.

Ecc7:20 There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins.

Psalm 130:5-6 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning…

I have to love myself and respect myself as God’s creation but hate the sin. This means I must always return to the biblical Greek definition of love.

“Selfless concern for the welfare of others that is not called forth by any quality of lovableness in the person loved, but is a product of the will to love in obedience to God’s command.”

God loves us the way we are, even when we think we are unlovable, he is the God who knows us, all of us. Accepting this love keeps us from falling into self-destructive tendencies such as guilt, shame, compulsion, fear, hopelessness, bitterness and insecurity. Pain is not always going to be optional in my life but bitterness and misery is. Sometimes pain or discomfort is necessary to bring us to where we need to be. It’s about learning to master the ability to release who I am for the possibility of who I can become, while believing that indeed HIS grace is enough. God desires to grow me so that he can display his power in me. He gives me a spirit of power, love and self-discipline (2Tim1:7). All that he does is for my good because he truly loves me. Everything he does, even if I can’t see it.

Jms 3:2 We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, his is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

Is46:4 I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

So, I continue to pray to feed his Spirit in me instead of the little idol of me. I pray for him to be my all. When he is my strength I can boast in my weakness, I can be brutally honest with him, others and myself. Change starts with truth (Jn14:17).

2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

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Biography Information:
Gods brought me a long way from the New York City Housing Projects. I studied the Bible, repented, and was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins when I was 17 and have been repenting and striving towards heaven ever since. The hardest thing about becoming a Christian at 17 was trusting that God would take care of me, meet my emotional teen needs, and help me overcome my enormous insecurity...what else would a teen girl have trouble with?

Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved  to DC  to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.

Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.

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