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Quiet Time

    by Kasia Kedzia

Beauty from Pain
Date Posted: April 21, 2009

I have found that trials and struggles act as the doorway to intimacy with God. When I face trials and feel pressed it exposes my false gods and pushes me back to the one and only true God - the only one able to save me.

Jeremiah 7:27-28 (NIV) 27 They say to wood, 'You are my father,' and to stone, 'You gave me birth.' They have turned their backs to me and not their faces; yet when they are in trouble, they say, 'Come and save us!' 28 Where then are the gods you made for yourselves? Let them come if they can save you when you are in trouble!

I have recently gone after false gods for comfort. I do it when I desperately seek approval at work and let it define my worth. I feel unappreciated and pour myself into my work only to still feel inadequate at the end of a 15 hour day! I do it when I begin to give too much attention to men who are not paying me any mind. I desire their attention because I fear being unwanted and rejected, which I can ultimately equate with being unlovable and doomed to be alone. However, as a result of this fear I can often lower God’s standard for me and not allow Him to work.

When I act this way I lose focus on God’s goodness and grant Satan a point of entry into my thinking which can take me as far as even questioning my status as his daughter. It is often when I am pressed and tried that I recognize the things I have begun to focus on cannot save me. It is in those moments I recognize how I have lost focus and call on God to save me. Most importantly, it is in those moments that my faith is refined and proved more genuine.

1 Peter 1:7 (NIV) These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

It is in the times that I feel discouraged that I engage God on a deeper level. I have noticed this even over the past few weeks as I have read and prayed with so much more fervor on a daily basis. Yet, when I have missed even a day I felt the difference and the pressure creeping back in, at work and into my heart. It is on those days that I have been more emotional and competitive at work, or more apt to pick up the phone and try to reach out for attention instead of to simply give. The more I have read and clung to God the more I have been able to see my ugly. It is ironic because as much as I have seen these ugly parts of me I have seen God embrace and love me in spite of them. He has made me feel beautiful and secure despite my ugly because of his goodness. Don’t get me wrong, the battle has been daily, and gruesome at times, but it has been good because it has drawn me closer to the living God. There are days when I really, really hate my job and I look around and wonder if I will be alone forever as some sort of punishment for my evil thoughts and deeds. It is in those days that I see God come through like no man, girlfriend, family member or boss could ever come through for me. The more I see this the more I see how much harder I must be willing to fight for continued intimacy with Him.

Jeremiah 24:6-7 (NIV) 6 My eyes will watch over them for their good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them. 7 I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.

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Biography Information:
Gods brought me a long way from the New York City Housing Projects. I studied the Bible, repented, and was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins when I was 17 and have been repenting and striving towards heaven ever since. The hardest thing about becoming a Christian at 17 was trusting that God would take care of me, meet my emotional teen needs, and help me overcome my enormous insecurity...what else would a teen girl have trouble with?

Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved  to DC  to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.

Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.

Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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