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Sometimes, if my life circumstances are not what I would like them to be I can feel like I am being punished. I imagine myself asking God, “Why can’t things be different?” or “Why am I still in this place?” And in my mind He bellows, “Because I said so!”

This past week, a co-worker confided in me that she was leaving after receiving her dream job offer. She had only applied for this one job about six months ago and was not really ‘looking’ to leave the current position when she had applied. I on the other hand had been applying for jobs practically every day for the past eight months and nothing had worked out as of yet. I felt like God was keeping me in my present position to teach me something alright, but it felt like a punishment and I disagreed. I didn’t think that I had anything else left to learn here. I was done and ready to move on! I could apply lessons learned somewhere else!

However, after much prayer and a recent follow up meeting on my pervious evaluation I realize that I in fact still do have much to learn and yes, I could probably learn it someplace else, but at the moment God wants me to learn it here. I also learned something else. When I seek God and fight through my rebellious thoughts, He really does reveal how he is working for my good. In this recent meeting I have been asked to improve certain skills and the organization offered to pay for the classes necessary to improve them. I also have the opportunity to truly turn things around at the current position in such a way that whether I chose to stay or leave I can do so with a reputation of integrity in my work. I can leave being seen as an asset and not a hindrance.

Ultimately, I have also seen how as a result of my negative and begrudging attitude I have not really applied myself to the best of my ability. My attitude towards my job and co-workers may have improved but not towards the work itself. God exposed how I can still procrastinate, be lazy and just plain stall when I don’t want to do a task, or rush through it half-hazard just to try and hand it over to someone else. This is really out of character for me and not who I am or have ever been. Yet it is what I had become.

Philippians 1:27a-28a (NIV) Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ […] without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you.

When I really see and treat my work as an opportunity to glorify God and conduct myself in a manner worthy of the gospel, I am empowered to focus. I am able to work through my fears of others past perceptions and possible failure at a given task. I am less hostile towards God and others. I can let go of resentments. I am humbled enough to see how much more I still have to learn, and can learn, if I am willing. When I see things from this perspective and ask God, “Why am I still here?” or “Am I really capable of doing what has been asked of me?” I know that his answer is, “Yes!” and not only that, but it is a resounding, “Yes, you are, because I said so!” I am able to do immeasurably more when I remember that God is with me and I am his. I can do it because he said so. Relying on Him gives me the peace and patience to wait for Him to grant the desires of my heart and not be idle in my waiting.

At the end of the day, it is not the passion for the job that needs to drive and motivate me any more than the desire to receive praise from others, but rather my passion and gratitude for who Jesus is in my life.

Philippians 4:4-7 (NIV) Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

"Refreshment in Refuge" from Gina Burgess

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