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I sat down one morning this week at a loss, my head was racing with thoughts that I could not harness and I realized that I was angry. I started to look through some of the lessons and bible discussions people had sent me and, ironically enough, the two I chose to read were both in the book of Daniel. I took that as God's way of telling me I should read that book.

I remember being a young Christian and reading the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and being truly amazed by their faith. However, I have forgotten a very important passage since that first time I read it. The book of Daniel has challenged me to trust God on a whole new level.

Dan3:16-18(NIV) Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, I king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” (emphasis added by me)

There is no need for me to defend myself. I know what I believe and state it freely, but so often I have tried to convince others and defend my beliefs. Recently I have been trying to defend my beliefs to myself. I have had trouble trusting God and those around me. I look back on things I have written months ago, the tests of my trust in the past, and I wonder if they were just smaller tests that have set me up for this one. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego believed God would save them from the furnace and they were ready to act on their faith and trust God. Their words broke something in me …. “But even if he does not.”

These words cut so deep they burn. It’s so much easier to think, ‘God will deliver, he will fix it (whatever it is) and He’ll show those I want to see him just how great he is and then I can look and say, “you see!”’…but what if he doesn’t? Will I still believe in those moments? God, of course, still works, but I can’t always see it. I am in one of those moments now where I can’t see God working; I can’t emotionally feel his presence and yet I cling to him all the tighter, but for how long? If he does not...I have been angry and frustrated because I am afraid. What if he doesn’t?

When people we love die, leave, are sent away, change their minds about loving God or us, we can ask ‘what if he doesn’t?' Old wounds and doubts can open up and we can give into fear. In my daily thoughts and actions I am faced with a choice: do I go on, step into the furnace and keep walking or do I look back, question? Do I give into the fear or do I wrestle it to the ground and give it over to God today?

Some days it’s easier to push the fight to the back of my mind and pretend it’s not there, but it rages all the more. It is only when I come before God and his word that I am able to face the battle. Consistency is underestimated. Satan will try to shift our focus from the victories and make us focus on the losses, but the victories outweigh the loses every time. It’s almost like someone taking a hold of my face and trying to force it to look in a different direction, but ultimately it’s my face, my head and I choose to turn to where I will look.

Some days it is really just holding on to and believing that God is my father, Jesus his son and he died, was resurrected and is living and breathing in me. So I walk in the furnace of my mind (now with the summer slowly creeping in here, the furnace is not far off) and even if he does not rescue me out of this furnace, I will believe.

Isaiah 45:2-3(NIV) I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

v12-13It is I who made the earth and created mankind upon it. My own hands stretched out the heavens; I marshaled their starry hosts. I will raise up Cyrus in my righteousness: I will make all his ways straight. He will rebuild my city and set my exiles free” (Also see v17-25)

v22- 23 (The Message) “I am God, the only God there is, the one and only. I promise in my own name: Every word out of my mouth does what it says. I never take back what I say. Everyone is going to end up kneeling before me.”

Sometimes God repeats things over and over again, but it is still hard to hear over my own voice of doubts. Sometimes, I just need to be told again, and reminded just how much he truly loves me--even when I’m a mess and make the same mistakes--maybe then I can walk into the furnace, even if I can not see what lies ahead.

"'Winging It" from Stan Smith

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