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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
The value of all I do depends on the kind of person I am. Being comes before doing. Too often I can become pre-occupied with doing and forget to just be.
Psalm 105:4 “Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced.”
God is a lot more interested in my character than the things I do. He looks for my self-denial, patience and humility. There is a healthy tension in my walk with God when I’m reflective on my character and am deliberate in my pursuit of pleasing him. He has done miracles and transformed my life and heart. When my walk feels burdensome or too hard it’s an alarm that something is off, and for me it’s a flag that I am probably focusing too much on doing and not enough on who I am in God. When I lose sight of who I am in God I allow the world to define me all over again, critical voices from the past that once defined me start to get louder.
My character is rooted in who I am in Him and not who I once was. God reminds me who I am and lifts the burden of performance.
Jeremiah 31:3-4 “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt.”
I fall short of people’s expectations and of my own all the time, but God rebuilds me. He rebuilds each of us every day in His love. When I feel like I have fallen short and I am not enough or like I am too much, God reminds me that to him I am just right.
There are moments that will grip my heart. New hurts will trigger past hurt, shaking me to the core, to the very foundation of my faith. In those moments I am seeing that God is pushing me to change my reference point. It is him calling me to not look back and not let the past define me or dictate how I respond to given situations. In these new moments, God allows me to see wounds from my past and calls me to deeper healing. When he defines me, my character changes, my actions follow and so do my reactions. My strongest responses will always be rooted in what I believe. If I believe God loves me and is my ultimate protector I will respond differently in situations where I could feel hurt or threatened whether it be relationally, emotionally or professionally. What’s your strongest reaction?
Micah 7:7 (msg) But me, I’m not giving up. I’m sticking around to see what God will do, I’m waiting for God to make things right. I’m counting on God to listen to me.”
God listens to every plea and cry. He listens to even the stubborn silence when I refuse to use words. He listens and he reaches out to heal me, to change my reference point. He gives me healing that enables me to forgive myself and others.
In the moments when I want my will over His, where I want to hold back a part of me from him out of fear, even in those moments he pushes through in his love. Sometimes I can look back and think, “Haven’t I come far enough in this area of my life?” More often than not God’s reply is “There is so much farther you can go.” Every time I think I have let go completely of something he shows me how many fingers I still have on those things. When my reference point is my past I can hold on to things or reach for things for comfort that are not good for me. There is a difference between what God promised and things I want to be true. When my reference point is God I can leave those things alone and seek God’s will instead. For me this takes the form of where I go for affirmation. For you it may be something different. Whatever it is, we are constantly called to put down that one thing we want to hold on to.
“God wants us all, and He will not rest till He gets us all. No part of the man will do.” – A.W Tozer
Is 58:11 (NLB) “The Lord will always lead you. He will meet the needs of your soul in the dry times and give strength to your body. You will be like a garden that has enough water, like a well of water that never dries up.”
Chasing perfection obstructs me from following the only one that is perfect. It also stifles me from extending greater compassion and grace to those that are imperfect around me. God enables me to be vulnerable, humble and forgiving. When I allow God to define me, he allows me to shine. In those moments my confidence is contagious and my testimony is irrevocable.
Micah 7:7 “But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.”
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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