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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
In Christianity some main biblical principles are set out for us in relationships; putting others before ourselves (Philip2:3), serving others (1Peter4:10), and denying ourselves (Matt16:24). These are all wonderful principles and can often help us to glorify God in great ways. When living in a society of “Me” and “I” first, it is profound to see Christians do as the bible says and not as the world dictates. Yet, like in everything balance is crucial. I am currently learning this balance. Even Jesus withdrew to isolated places, even Jesus needed time to himself with God (Matthew 14:22-23), and in order to continue to implement the above principles I must replenish myself and love and respect myself and the Spirit that lives within me and fill my well spring of life in order to pour into others(1 Corinthians 6:19, Eph4:30).
The National Mental Health Association defines Co-dependency as a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior. I have recently seen in myself a co-dependent nature. As an Adult Child of an Alcoholic my nature is one of a care taker. I have been a care taker since I was 12 years old and I have continued to be a care taker since becoming a Christian and have thus transplanted my care taking actions into different leadership roles assigned to me in my walk with God. It has been great to use my gifts to serve and meet needs but I have found myself periodically running on empty or investing in relationships in which I was the only one giving resulting in much unneeded hurt. As a result, I recently returned to 1 Corinthians 13. Examining this scripture from the perspective of Gods love for me, my love for others, and for the first time in a long time, my love for myself. When speaking of self love one must be very careful as it is easy for others to identify this as vanity or self involvement but with age comes wisdom and balance. Learning to say no is an act of self love for example. Sometimes in order to glorify God in some areas we must say no in others. If I believe in Gods love for me I must respect myself and love myself according to his standard. So I re-visited 1Cor13 and read through multiple versions, asking myself - do I use this measure not only to love others but to also love myself? It was very empowering and refreshing.
1Cor13 (NLT) 4Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. 6It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Am I patient with myself? Am I kind to myself? Do I compare myself to others as a result of jealousy or pride and as a result put myself down? Am I rude to myself? Do I trust God with my inadequacies? Do I forgive myself and keep no records of wrongs? Do I dwell on the good or the bad more? When I go to the dark places in my mind do I turn to the light and rejoice in the truth? Does truth win out more in my inter battles? What are my hopes? Where is my faith?
In some of these areas I found that I was seeking and getting filled with God but in others I still have trouble letting go and giving parts over to God. There are things God has forgiven me for, that I have repented of over the years and continue to repent of, but yet have not forgiven myself. I can still look back and as a result distort my perfect God into a punishing cold God. God is a jealous God but he is a Loving one. When I can see myself the way God sees me I can then give in healthy ways to others and have healthy mutually loving relationships with others. I can enable others to do for themselves and not make them dependent on me nor myself become dependent on them. I can depend on God and encoruage others to do the same.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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