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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
In a recent service the minister asked if we would be able to become Christians today. Would we be able to surrender all and give up all today? I started to think about how the older we get the higher the stakes become and the harder it is to give up everything. When I was counting the cost to become a Christian I had to surrender and give up everything. Most people think, well at 17 that shouldn’t have been so hard, but see what most people don’t think about is that if you make that decision as a teen you are faced with giving up the unknown more so than the known. As I get older giving things up for Christ becomes harder. Although I continue to do so it remains a painful process some days. I have to continually give over my hopes for His, deny my desires and plans that I envision for His. The sermon really resounded in my heart and it dawned on me- giving up control and letting God lead me happens in my heart not in my mind; I can not will it.
1 Peter 3:10-15 (The Message)10 Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day fill up with good, Here's what you do: Say nothing evil or hurtful; 11 Snub evil and cultivate good; run after peace for all you're worth. 12 God looks on all this with approval, listening and responding well to what he's asked; But he turns his back on those who do evil things. 13 If with heart and soul you're doing good, do you think you can be stopped? 14 Even if you suffer for it, you're still better off. Don't give the opposition a second thought. 15 Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy.
Life is a test- we are living our lives to tell God where we want to be- and in the end God will just grant us our desire.
Luke 9: 23 (NIV) Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. 25 What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?
I must die to myself, it’s not about arguing external legalistic things such as how often one reads the Bible and prays, but it is about what is in the heart – it’s not about showing others how close I can get to God – it’s death to my sinful nature! Could I get baptized today? Die and surrender everything everyday? Crap! If I’m not living a life of total surrender eventually I will deny Him and leave Him. How scary is that?! The reason the past couple of weeks have been so hard is because the process of surrendering what I want in exchange for God’s plan for me has been so hard. It has been a fight for my heart and a process of killing me and living for Him.
Reading Marty Wooten’s insight into the letters to the Corinthians really brought this point home for me;
“The failure to obtain a particular goal for a certain period of time is not always an indication that disciples are not being transformed according to the image of Jesus Christ. In fact times like these are often a great opportunity to grow in our perseverance, faith, trustworthiness and patience. Too much of a preoccupation with the achievement of goals reflects an unspiritual and humanistic result- oriented mentally. For example, it’s possible to bring someone to the Lord and not grow spiritually- or even take some serious spiritual steps backwards by impure motives or a self-centered self-glorifying heart. (2Cor4:2)”
Having heart or losing heart is an issue of the contents of my heart, of what I treasure as valuable (2Cor4:16). Jesus said “For where your treasure is there your heart will be also.” (Matt6:21) When I treasure what is occurring in the spiritual realm more than what is happening in the physical world around me, I can courageously face difficult circumstances. I have the strength to deny self and once again be willing to surrender all for Christ. The desire to run away fades and I can face my fears. Changing my surroundings in an attempt to alleviate the pressures placed on my heart can never effectively keep me from losing heart—I would merely postpone the inevitable test of what’s inside.
Jesus promises that the storm of life will hit each of us (Luke6:46-49) (4:16) the reality of facing trials can not be overcome by manipulating my circumstances. Only when I face and work through trials will God have the opportunity to reveal himself. “Not by removing the crosses of our existence, but by embracing them”(Wooten, Power in Weakness, pg. 72). So I fix my eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen, even in my trials I receive peace and can be confident that God will bring all things in his time.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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