Subscription Lists

As I was reading a Christian book on the bus the woman next to me began to ask me for directions. Initially I kept my answer short, put my headphones back on and stuck my nose back in the book. A few seconds later something inside me moved. It was my conscience poking me and yelling, “What type of Christian are you? Speak to the woman, you can see she’s nervous!” I turned my ipod off and spoke to her. She was in the area looking at apartments as she had just moved in from out of state. Through the conversation I also began to share my faith with her. We exchanged information and I gave her my number.

Later that night I received a phone call. It was the woman from the bus looking for a shelter overnight. As I looked up some phone numbers of places near by, a million thoughts rushed through my head. Could I offer her a place to stay with me? Would that be wise? Would it be safe? I looked up the numbers and gave them to her. She said she was very grateful and hung up. Rapid thoughts flooded my mind with fear and guilt. The fearful thoughts ranged from fear of being taken advantage of, possibly robbed, to identity theft. While the guilty thoughts nagged me with questions: Why did I not call the places myself to find out if they were open and which she could go to? Why did I not ask my roommate if we could go pick her up and give her a ride?

The following passage kept running through my head.

James 2:14-15 (NIV) 14What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? 15 Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

The phone interaction took a matter of minutes. Her request was so small, but I was not prepared for it. The weight of that request and the situation gripped me and would not let go. I “wished her well” and sent her on her way. I had also done this in the past with those who were not strangers but with whom I was not close. I figured, “someone else closer to them will help.” I know I could have done more if I was not so focused on myself and my situation. I know that if it was not for my community and the amazing people in my life I could have been that woman. Any of us are moments away from this possibility and in those moments I don’t care if the person knows me well or loves me, I just need help.

Although I never heard from her again, the interaction changed me and something inside of me broke. It was as if all my compassion had been stored in a glass cylinder deep inside and had now been released. It burned through my self-protective walls like acid.

James1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

In the weeks that followed I began to see so many needs of those around me. I began to reach out to more people. I also noticed that the circumstantial things in my life that once really shook my world or brought me down, no longer had a deep effect. Someone not calling me back (rejection), or me not receiving a much needed client payment (financial instability), didn’t steal my joy or my desire to give beyond myself. It didn’t dictate my mood or my response to others. The lesson really sunk in as John Ortberg’s words from his book, If You Want To Walk On Water, You’ve Got To Get Out Of The Boat, resonated so deeply with me,

“When life does not turn out the way you plan, you forget that other people face disappointment too. You may begin to think only about your own hurts. Your world becomes so small that your pain is the only pain you notice. This is the death of the heart, the loss of meaning.”

My heart has been revived as recent difficult times have developed my compassion. I can now see that I needed to face these storms in order to truly see what I am capable of doing under adversity - not for myself but rather for others. I have begun to better understand that God is enough even when I have lost what seams like everything.

Our suffering can give us eyes of compassion for others, or we can allow self-preoccupation, which is actually self-defeating, to produce loneliness. In the past I have been blind to some who were weak or suffering. As a result I was harsh and inconsiderate; not recognizing that every word I spoke could boost or kill someone’s hope just a little.

James 1:26 If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

In the midst of my own storms I have not always noticed the downcast faces of people around me. Lately, I have been able to see and feel their sorrow. I have extended mercy to those who have hurt me and have sought mercy from those who I have hurt with my words or actions.

James 2:12-13Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the Law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

Whether it be a complete stranger, a familiar face or some near and dear, compassion takes risk. In the past I have felt as though this risk was too high. However, Jesus did this all the time. Compassion requires greater trust. I must be willing to give my time, resources, and maybe share information that can leave me vulnerable, but it is what I have been called to and signed up for when I professed Jesus Lord of my life. It requires effort, it can be uncomfortable and most importantly it requires intense prayer.

James 2:8 If you really keep the royal law found in scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself”, you are doing right. (emphasis added)

John 13:35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

In the past I have identified blessings in my life as material gains: a job, a great place to live, affection or attention from others. I have received these and labeled them blessings. However, recently the greatest blessings have not been circumstantial, financial or emotional security. They have been acts of love; small acts of love towards me and small acts of love by me un-prejudicially.

James 2:9 But if you show favoritism; you sin and are convicted by the low as lawbreakers.

Luke 6:32-33If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners do that.

This is what is possible by the power of our God. Through it all, I did not have to try to have more faith. Instead, I just got to know God better and continue to do so. Don’t get me wrong, it is hard and excruciatingly painful at times. The above scriptures can still make me wince when I read them. I still fail and say hurtful things or get defensive and proud when someone points something out that I feel like I am trying so hard to work on. Yet, the more I have radically obeyed and shown compassion, focusing on others, the more I have experienced God and His peace. I continue to need mercy but I cannot reject what I have been called to - a deeper love.

Galatians 5:6 The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

"God's Words For US" from Cecelia Lester

Renew a Right Spirit