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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
For many people temptation comes in times of trials. For me however, temptation seems to be like that big yellow speed bump in a large parking lot, if you look straight ahead you can’t miss it, but if you’re walking with your head in the clouds you will end up eating pavement. I had a bit of a pavement eating moment this week.
James 1:13-14When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desires, he is dragged away and enticed.
As I’ve been reading through James a few things have struck me that I seemed to have glazed over in the past. For one, this passage is really graphic and to the point if I let it sink in. In the past I think I was a bit pharisitical when reading it. I thought, “ Of course I don’t think temptation is from God!” and then I’d turn around and find myself praying, “But God you have allowed me to be in this situation, you placed this (whatever this is) in my life.”
Genesis 3:12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me- she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
There are so many jokes about Eve leading Adam astray and him blaming her for eating the fruit when in fact, Adam blamed God! He blamed God in the same way I can some times. I am tempted by my own desires (the not-so-good ones). It is my choice to internalize the temptation. If I do not have an existing internal desire for something I cannot be tempted by it. Jesus was tempted but he did not give in because he didn't have an existing desire for rebellion or power within him.
In recent weeks I have had an incredible career opportunity. I have enjoyed every minute of it but I noticed, I can get easily consumed with my opportunities because I’m only think of myself. Too often I think twice before giving a little more of me. People are impacted when we don’t hesitate in our love and when we consciously give more. I thought I was doing the things I needed to do. I was doing all the “right things” even praying the “right prayers” and yet, I allowed selfish ambition to win out in certain situations. This is one desire, but it lead me to search my heart through others as well. It exposed my desire for security and the temptations that can arise from it, my desire for attention or recognition. At first it can be just a passing twinge, a small tightening in the heart but if I entertain it long enough I can begin to feel the pull, I can feel the drag of enticement: I see it, I want it, I take it. Temptation can almost feel comfortable when it first begin to entice. I can dress it up in all sorts of spiritual reasoning and language. My heart can litteraly ache for what I want.
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
It is because the heart is deceitful that it will respond to temptation. This really helped to expose my heart. Even my prayers for excellence in my work, for favor in others eyes were tainted with a hint of what I wanted to get out of it. I have to deal with it on a heart level.
Sometimes, what tempts me, the things I desire, are not bad in themselves but I can tarnish them if I try to secure them in a way outside of God’s will. It's the moments when I want to take things into my own hands that I must be cautious of. When I do this I sin. It’s ok for me to want to do my work well and enjoy it; it's ok for me to want to meet someone to share my life with. However, when I began to allow it to puff me up or draw a false sense of security from it I can pursue it with an unhealthy fervor and put the things of God second. As a result others are affected too.This applies to my work and all the temptations I am faced with. I know what can pull at my heart.
I want to be a better version of me. I don’t like seeing these things in me but I am glad I see them now. I know that God is using these moments to break down my pride and refine me. There are external things I can do to prevent temptation but I can’t lose sight of the fact that it starts and grows in my heart.
Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desire of your heart.
I love this passage because it tells me that God will change my heart. When I delight in him he will change my desires as I have seen him do so in many areas of my life. He is peeling away layers and changing me. Thinking about it, if I take the time to make a mental list of consequences that ensue from my temptation (in days, weeks, years), the temptation looses its appeal very quickly. The truth is, good and perfect gifts come only from God. My plan will always pale in comparison. According to James, we will be tempted it is only a matter of when. It is up to me to be aware of by what and equip myself accordingly for the fight.
James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above…
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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