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I used to think that my family was exceptional, as in exceptionally dysfunctional. I would look at some of my friend’s families and think, “Wow they are like the perfect family, and they don’t seem to have any issues at all.” Eventually I learned that weather overtly or covertly, all families have issues. No family is perfect because they are all composed of imperfect people. Out of all the people in my life, my immediate family can press my buttons the hardest and send me to places Jesus just doesn’t go. Some of my deepest insecurities and vices are rooted in my childhood experiences as pertaining to my family upbringing.

My relationship with one parent in particular can at times reveal things in my character that I legitimately need to address and change; while at other times the interactions can send me into an abyss of guilt and rejection. As a result, in the past I have not been able to get away from family fast enough. I could go months without contact and have absolutely no compulsion to call or check in with them. I could get so easily caught up with other busyness including my ‘new’ Christian family by studying the bible with people, serving, helping friends while all along neglecting the family God gave me and the parents who brought me into this world. These actions are seemingly good but when not directed towards my immediate family they are worthless in God’s sight. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my family dearly and think about as well as pray for them but in some of my interactions with certain members there can be a feeling of tension and burden and so little common ground that it seems as though we are literally speaking in different languages.

My family relationships can reveal to me how truly unloving I can be. Our parents, like God, have plans for us and want the best for us, but unlike God, can put pressure on us if they feel like our lives are not going along their plans. I recently had a conversation with a parent that just didn’t go well. It left me feeling guilty and like I had failed yet again, failed this parent and failed God in being an example. It made me want to go back to running away from interacting with this parent and go back to safely praying for them and caring for them from a distance.

1Tim5:8 (NIV) Anyone who neglects to care for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Ouch. This means that if I see needs in my family and do not meet them I’m worse than those who do not believe in God. Seriously? Well, apparently! So I thought to myself, “well what if I just don’t know what those needs are? Or what if I don’t deem what they express as needs as real needs?” I have not come across this scripture in a long time. Yet, this time it cut deeper than it ever had before because I realized that I will constantly need to work on this. As I get older this scripture will call me out more and more as my family gets older and their needs increase. In efforts to protect myself I can neglect my parent.

There have been times in my life where I felt like I would be able to reach my family or have a closer relationship with this particular parent when I myself have my own family. In the past, I made efforts that were discounted by my parent as not good enough and I wondered if God took that into account when he placed that scripture in the bible? Maybe this scripture was only for those who had ‘normal’ families, for those who’s family members didn’t hurt them, or maybe it only works one way as in I have to take care of the family I myself have some day and therefore omits my parents, grandparents and older generations of the family all together. I tried really hard to not make this scripture apply to me and failed as the truth is, God knows all the pain and anguish our families can cause us. They are the ones that can cut us the deepest just as we cut God the deepest.

Yet, it is my family relationships which push me to love so much more than any of my other relationships as an example of how Jesus loves me. After all, I only get one family, no exchanges. I am who I am because of their influence- the good and the bad. In neglecting to care for them I am like someone who does not believe in God because I deny who God is in my life. When I refuse to give to them I deny God’s power and I miss out on His ultimate love for me.

I hurt Him the deepest and He accepts me back into His family every time. I haven’t quite figured out how to meet my families needs all the time but I am learning to try to actively make more of an effort to at least meet their relational needs. So, despite the last encounter and the temptation to change my phone number, I picked up the phone this week and I called and we talked and it was good and I couldn’t believe it. It was like riding a bicycle for the first time, it was a bit wobbly and it took all my effort to keep my balance as I felt that the bike would tip any minute and I would break the fall with the skin of my knees but for a moment their I had momentum and it was good and my faith increased. We talked until someone called in on the other line and I ‘had to go’ so maybe next time I will believe a little more and talk a little longer.

Ephesians 6:1-9 (NIV) 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother" - which is the first commandment with a promise - 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.

"Inspiration For You" from Randy Mitchell

Our Children Are Our Future