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Quiet Time

    by Kasia Kedzia

Fight or Flight? The Battle for Neither
Date Posted: August 16, 2011

Sometimes I am tempted to run away from the very things God wants me to face head on. Other times, I’m just tired from the fight and flight seems easier, but only temporarily. Short-term, flight works well but it can have some seriously bad long-term effects. Eventually you have to stop running and face everything you have let build up – you have to face yourself. So instead of going on that 10 mile run, devouring an entire tray of dark chocolate brownies, or taking that job in a far away country, I stopped, stood still, and let the tears flow. I let myself feel all the emotions that were there no matter how uncomfortable they made me, and believe me it was really uncomfortable. Sometimes all God wants from us is for us to be real, to be vulnerable, to just be, with him.

Ps46:10 (NIV) "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

Recently, God has been showing me exactly how I need to be still. My time has come to step back and allow God to use someone else for a while. This is scary and uncomfortable as it leaves me in a place of not knowing what my role is. I am afraid of failing as a Christian if I don’t know my role, if I don’t have results to point to as an indicator of “how I’m doing”. Yet, God is saying all the louder, “My grace is sufficient.” This is not to say I don’t continue to do what he commands but it does mean I shift my focus from trying to “earn” the love he has already given me. As I have prayed for God to be enough, his answer seems to be, “Ok, I will remove all the things you have built up that have prevented me from being enough. It will hurt but I will hold you through it.”

2 Chronicles 34:4 Under his direction the altars of the Baals were torn down; he cut to pieces the incense altars that were above them, and smashed the Asherah poles, the idols and the images. These he broke to pieces and scattered over the graves of those who had sacrificed to them.

My greatest moments of intimacy with God have come through times of pain or unknown circumstances where he has torn out of my hands all the things that I allow to define my self-worth outside of him. God loves us not because of anything we have to offer or what he can get from us. This helps me to redefine love and how I choose to give it. People of God are filled with his love, and are able to accept love and give it more selflessly. When I chose to accept God’s love I stop looking for it elsewhere. I accept his role for me, whatever it may be. I no longer feel the pressure to win it or earn it from other people, positions or things. I no longer feel a pressure to be needed or depended on by someone as barter for love. I am free to love others and serve them more like Jesus. I can love wanting the best for those I care about without wanting to hold anything back for myself. I can see and seek their best interests over seeking my own. I can hold my tongue and my opinion and pray for them, allowing God to work. I can look to give others what they need over giving what I think is best; even if that means giving them time to work things out on their own. I am able to implement these lessons in my personal and professional relationships. In every area of our lives, we can be so much more when He is our everything.

1 Corinthians 13:2 (NLT) If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody.

This journey is not over for me, it is only the beginning and it remains uncomfortable. I still find myself reaching for my running shoes or the chocolate, but it’s a “one day at a time” sort of journey and I am not in it alone. There are people who are not dependent on me; who love me for who I am, and are still here. Somehow through it all, I cannot help but feel like God is preparing me for something much greater, a bigger role that I cannot fill unless I learn this lesson (Rm8:28). He is calling each of us to face something in our lives we do not want to and the promise remains the same. He will clean house to make us better. We can do greater things - it is his plan and promise for us.

Haggai 2:3-9 (NIV) 'Who of you is left who saw this house in its former glory? How does it look to you now? Does it not seem to you like nothing? 4But now be strong[…] declares the LORD. 'Be strong, […]. Be strong, all you people of the land,' declares the LORD, 'and work. For I am with you,' declares the LORD Almighty. […] And my Spirit remains among you. Do not fear.' […] 'In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth, the sea and the dry land. 9 'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the LORD Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,'[…]"

John 14:12 (NIV) I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these…,

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Biography Information:
Gods brought me a long way from the New York City Housing Projects. I studied the Bible, repented, and was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins when I was 17 and have been repenting and striving towards heaven ever since. The hardest thing about becoming a Christian at 17 was trusting that God would take care of me, meet my emotional teen needs, and help me overcome my enormous insecurity...what else would a teen girl have trouble with?

Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved  to DC  to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.

Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.

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