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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
Someone once said, “God will never give me more than I can handle- sometimes I wish he didn’t have so much trust in me.” This statement resonated with me this week as I applied lessons recently learned to face some people and situations from my past; to face past hopes and rejections. When applying these lessons to new circumstances I was excited and triumphant, but when having to apply them to address past circumstances I was terrified. I obeyed God and was able to do the right thing. However, it was in the aftermath of the events that I was tested to see if I would trust God or follow my heart and give into past emotions.
Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV) The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
God triumphs when I trust, but in this particular situation it meant that I had to submit by truly believing in His promises and go against everything I was feeling. I wanted to act on what I thought was best; I wanted to speak and do out of what I felt. The emotions inside me literally shook me to the core as I fought them. As long as my perspective remained on God I was able to practice self-control, focusing on doing the right thing instead of being self-reliant.
Prv 25:28 (NIV) Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.
Self-control is just the beginning. Submission, by its very definition means to do something that one disagrees with. It means to yield, refer to a third party for judgment or opinion (in this case God); to obey. In the past I have often felt like I was “submitting” or “obeying” but in reality I was merely in agreement with God. The test of true submission came when I was faced with acting in line with God and against everything I wanted to do. Following my heart in the moment might have given me the delusion of getting what I wanted, but it would only be repeating the past.
Jeremiah 17:5(NIV) Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength.[…] 7 But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.
To follow Christ sometimes calls me to go against every fiber of my being. The world tells us to follow our hearts, do what feels right. Society romanticizes and sentimentalizes everything from relationships to career pursuits. Go after what you want, but what I want may not be what I need. I just end up chasing after fools gold.
Jb23:10 (NIV) But He knows the way that I take when he has tested me; I will come forth as gold.
Growing up some of my favorite movies have been romantic comedies. As all romantic comedies go, a love story filled with obstacles and self-realizations lead the main characters through a plot in order to ultimately bring them together. Some of these plots can fall under the, “If loving you is wrong I don’t want to be right” theme. In contrast the bible warns against these feelings in order to receive immeasurably greater rewards. The more I trust God the more strength I am able to receive to do the right thing. When I trust in God’s promises for me I can get past myself and focus on giving to others. When I focus on God, He gives me the courage to share what I have been learning not only with the new people in my life but also those from my past. He shows me how to love from my heart more selflessly.
Genesis 49:22 (NIV) Joseph is a fruitful vine, a fruitful vine near a spring, whose branches climb over a wall.
In the past I thought I could affect the outcome of my story so I pushed my way for the desired ending based on my feelings. However, I see now the walls God allowed me to come up against were there for my ultimate benefit. I wanted to plow through them at full speed, head first without a helmet. In my pride I can still be tempted to smash through these obstacles, or I can be the vine that grows over these walls as Joseph did. These obstacles have the potential to stop me or can become a support for my life as I rise above them. If I admit that I cannot and do not see the big picture God sees, I can trust him long enough for Him to give me a glimpse. I can be victorious over my past and leave it in the past. He will bring me through the fire to even greater things, just as He did for Shadrach, Mishach, Abendego and many others.
Dan3:28 (NIV)Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Mishach and Abendego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the king’s command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God.
In every situation where followers of God and Christ submitted to God against their fear or any other given emotion, He blessed them abundantly and beyond what they could imagine. When they trusted He provided in His time. As the tears rolled down my cheeks and I clenched my teeth, I held on to these stories and let God comfort me in order to submit. I know what I want is not what I need. I know what God has for me is better, if I just wait and not take things into my own hands. In the end I can cast my net and heart over the edge and know that it will not come back to me empty.
Luke5:5(NIV) Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.
Hosea 6:6 (TLB) I don’t want your sacrifices I want your love, I don’t want your offerings- I want to know you.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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