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Quiet Time

    by Kasia Kedzia

Genuinly You
Date Posted: August 14, 2012

Meeting new people can expose insecurities. Although I realize God uses such opportunities to teach me something about myself and others, it is still as comfortable as getting a physical by a new doctor. When we find ourselves faced with interacting with someone who impresses us and who we want to impress our insecurities get exposed. Technology only makes it worse (interpreting an email, text or instant message), adding to the already over-read, in-person, and/or phone conversations. Did he/she get my email? Why haven’t they responded? Did that come off weird? Did they get my humor? I have asked those and many other questions as I have gotten to know new people.

Is 58:11 (NLB) “The Lord will always lead you. He will meet the needs of your soul in dry times and give you strength to your body. You will be like a garden that has enough water, like a well of water that never dries up.”

I cannot control how others respond to me and I cannot allow their responses to effect how I view myself. One person I do know in all of these situations is me. The other person will either accept or reject me. In the past this really scared me. I was scared of showing my genuine self out of fear of rejection. Rejection by a person or a job would affect my self-esteem and self worth. I used to think if I was rejected, and had not shown all of my true self, I could always write it off with minimal emotional impact. However, this is the very thing God calls us out of when we first seek him.

John 5:44 “How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?”

Ps139:13-16 “13For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. 14 I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.15 My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; 16 Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.”

I can be myself when my confidence comes from God. His expectations and plans for me are a lot better than mine can be for myself. There will always be people in this world who reject us, turn us down for a job, won’t want to be our friends or date us. They will choose someone else. In those moments it helps to remember that God chose me. Not in a self-pity party sort of way, but a very sober reminder that the creator of this Universe, the God that raised the dead and formed men from dust loves me. He has plans for me. He knows me completely, has not rejected me and will place people in my life that will reflect his love for me. He gets all my quirks because he put them there and all the more he will use them to help me to relate to others.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NLT) 11For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me.

The more I grow in my understanding and acceptance of God’s love for me the more it allows me to take risks and put myself out there. I much rather have the real me be rejected; at least that way I know there is nothing I did not give or show of myself. The closer I am to God the more strength and courage I have to give of my genuine self without fear of rejection. Yes, rejection still comes and the sting of it still burns but it doesn’t affect my self worth. It allows me to give without expectation or the potential to alter who I am based on someone’s response or reaction. When I am rooted in God I am consistently me and the only one I change for is God. I am not a slave to someone else’s opinions or my own insecurities. I am free to embrace my son-ship as an heir, as God’s child.

Galatians 4:7 So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

At the end of the day no matter how secure in God we are, we all have moments of insecurity. We all have moments where we wonder if someone’s behavior or actions are in response to who we are or simply them being who they are. We still get nervous meeting new people but when we are meeting them while holding on to God’s view of us it allows us to not be weird. Ironically, as we care less about what others think of us, we will care more about what they think of themselves. Personally, it allows me to own my behavior and my actions and not project how someone else may be feeling or interpreting it. It allows me to love people more in the way Jesus loves rather than in a way that is comfortable for me and reap all the freedom and satisfaction that comes from this type of love.

AW Tozer put it this way,

“Let any man turn to God in earnest, let him begin to exercise himself unto godliness, let him seek to develop his powers of spiritual receptivity by trust and obedience and humility and the results will exceed anything he may have hoped in his leerier and weaker days.”

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"The Way" from Kevin Pauley

Teaching By Being

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Biography Information:
Gods brought me a long way from the New York City Housing Projects. I studied the Bible, repented, and was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins when I was 17 and have been repenting and striving towards heaven ever since. The hardest thing about becoming a Christian at 17 was trusting that God would take care of me, meet my emotional teen needs, and help me overcome my enormous insecurity...what else would a teen girl have trouble with?

Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved  to DC  to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.

Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.

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