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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
It takes great humility and vulnerability to get out of my own way and just obey. Day in and day out I have watched God answer prayers, specific prayers, some within hours of me writing them out, and yet I can still wake up on some mornings fearful, doubting or anxious. I can feel inadequate because I lack perfection the way I think it should look. Yet, God doesn’t expect perfection from me. He expects me to be humble enough to admit my weaknesses and committed enough to press through difficult or uncertain times. He guides me past my doubt and fear when I allow Him to.
Philippians 2:13 for it is God who works in you to will and act according to his good purpose.
In humility I need to remind myself that I cannot control my circumstances but I can choose how I react to them. I can choose to let God work in me or resort back to my old fight or flight defense mechanisms. When things look predictable or my prayers are being answered I can easily switch back to auto-pilot and want to regain control. It is as though I say, “Ok God I see where you’re going with this so I can take it from here.” When I do this I try to protect myself from vulnerability but I can seriously hijack God’s plan for me.
Lysa TerKeurst wrote, “To be radically obedient is to keep God’s vision clearly in front of us, to be so busy looking at what He wants, looking at Him, that everything else becomes less important.”
Lam3:22-24The Lord is my portion therefore I will wait for him.
Though God demands my humility and obedience, sometimes I don’t like my portion. I don’t want to obey because I lose sight of God’s vision for me. I want to scream, “This isn’t mine, I got this portion by mistake! Take it back!” Now I am learning to accept what is written for me as I learn to trust God’s character and His unfailing love.
Dt28:1-2If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God.
Obedience to God is a sacrifice I must be willing to make to allow Him to work in my life beyond what I can see. Ultimately, obedience to God is no sacrifice at all. It feels like a sacrifice in the moment when my circumstances don’t seem fair or just but ultimately there is a much greater reward. God is my portion of protection and peace. He is my portion of all the joy and patience I need during this process of growing to be more like Christ. It’s not about what I think is “fair” but rather about trusting that He is just.
Hosea 10:12 Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness on you.
To reap fruit I must first sow. The time between sowing and reaping can be longer than what I would like it to be. It takes humility to continue to admit that I don’t know when or how the fruit will come. It takes humility and obedience to continue to sow when I can not see past my present circumstances. I can want to provide for myself and be covetous. Yet, the more I seek to know and understand God’s character the more I desire to be humble and obedient. When I do this everything else does become less important and my “fair” does not compare to His justice. The more I seek and see God’s character the more I draw strength from God to strengthen others in my imperfection, my weakness, even in my times of uncertainty.
2Chron16:9 For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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