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In a scene at the end of the movie, Raising Helen, an angry aunt storms a hotel room on Prom Night looking for her niece. As she scolds the young man in the room and leaves him quivering in fear she swings around for one last comment, “I just want you to know you are not a bad person but what you are doing is very, very bad!” Audience erupts in laughter, but there is something to that line.

None of us think we are bad people, but we do bad things all the time--hurtful things, selfish things. We hurt those around us and ourselves as a result. This past week, a few of the people around me have been faced with the choice to forgive and have come to me for advice or simply to vent. My immediate reaction to God was of course to say, “O.K., what or who do I need to forgive because I know you are sending these people to me so that you can turn around and use my words right back at me.” God often uses this method with me, and rightly so, it works every time.

So here are three scenarios:

1. One person says something hurtful to another then returns and asks for forgiveness. The hurt person replies, “Forgiven, but not forgotten.”
2. One person goes off on another and says many hurtful things out of anger and frustration mostly unrelated to the person they are going off on. This person than returns and says, “I’m sorry but you know you have to forgive me because all religions talk about forgiveness.” The victim in this situation replies, “I’ll try” but really never wants to speak to the first again.
3. One person does wrong to another. The first says all is forgiven and forgotten. The wrong doer tries to make a mends but now it is the other person who is doing the hurting, never says thank you and never apologizes. The first person is faced with forgiving despite the fact that their offender does not acknowledge their hurtful ways.

Who of these people is the bad guy? Who should be punished? Who gets to decide? We are such unforgiving people. I know that it has taken everything in me to fight bitterness and pain inflicted by others, but God has also felt these very things when I have sinned against him. Yet he continues to call us to him and offers his grace. I can see those who hurt me as “bad,” but if I really look closely I am no better.

Heb4:16(NIV) Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Philip Yancey wrote, “Grace means there is nothing we can do to make God love us more and there is nothing we can do to make God love us less.” Too bad this is not true with people. We set conditions on people all the time based on their behavior and we don’t easily forget or give second chances. As a result we inflict the same pain on others as has been inflicted on us.

George Herbert wrote, “He who cannot forgive another breaks the bridges which he must pass himself.”

It has been hard for me too see the people in my life hurt as a result of the lack of forgiveness in their lives, but it has helped me see the lack of mine. On a small scale this can be seen in lost friendships, on a large scale it can be seen in war. I have had to forgive people who have not acknowledged the pain they caused me emotionally, but I have friends who have had to forgive people who have not apologized for raping and killing their families. One thing that I continue to see and value is how God is increasing the capacity of my heart. Don’t get me wrong this process has been ridiculously painful at times, but I know it is worth it. He does so through teaching me about grace and forgiveness and makes me apply it. I wasn’t sure why until I got the following story emailed to me by a friend from home:

“A man asks his rabbi, "Why does God write the laws on our hearts? Why not in our hearts?" The rabbi replied, "God never forces anything into the human heart. He writes the word on our hearts so that when our hearts break, God falls in."

It turns out the best instrument for absorbing God is an unguarded broken heart.” – Author Unknown

Ezekiel 36:26 (NIV) I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

“The notion of Gods love coming to us free of charge, no strings attached, seems to go against every instinct of humanity. The Buddhist eight-fold path, the Hindu doctrine of karma, the Jewish covenant, and Muslim code of law—each of these offers a way to earn approval. Only Christianity dares to make God’s love unconditional.” (FOOTNOTE:P45 What’s So Amazing About Grace Zondervan 1997)

Eph2:4-5 (NIV) But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.

"Chip Shots from the Ruff of Life" from Tom Kelley

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