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“For the wisdom of man can not see how the providence of God can arrange human actions to fulfill his purpose without an miracle.” Alexander Caron

When I read this passage recently I thought that what it should say is, “ Humanity is so dense that it will never get how God can work in our day to day lives unless it is by some miraculous sign.” When I read it a second time I thought, it could just read, “Kasia is so dense…”

God is with me all the time. He doesn’t leave when he has better things to do or when my life issues are of less importance than someone else’s. He doesn’t leave me and say, “you can handle this one on your own, and I’ll be back later.” Yet, there are times when I feel like he has left. I feel as though well obviously I have to get through this one without Him. He must have more important things to do and although this is important to me in the grand scheme of things it’s probably insignificant. This is how I have felt and prayed recently. I have prayed as if I was asking God to come back and help me, not literally but subconsciously.

Sometimes I can make God out to be this two faced god. I separate him into the Older, mighty powerful brooding god who comes in and out of my life as he sees fit and usually it’s to teach a harsh lesson or pull me through when I have failed to see my own way out of a mess. The second side of this god is Jesus, a younger hipper more relatable version of God, he is the loving gentle compassionate one who picks me up when I fall or tells the other god to take it easy and not crush me too hard. I can see these two faces as a good cop bad cop parent pair and it can mess me all up in not only my perspective of who God really is but in how I interact with and worship Him.

Hebrews 1:3 (NIV) The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word.

Jesus is the exact representation of God. He is God. He sustains all things- Jesus/God sustains me, always! I had to read and pray this scripture a lot to truly let it sink in.

Psalm 121:3 (NIV) He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber;

V8(Message) He guards you when you leave and when you return, he guards you now, he guards you always.

As I read verse 8 it dawned on me how in fact He never leaves me, it’s I who leave and return!

As I prayed for God to show me His will I was scared to pray too specifically for what I truly wanted. I was afraid that God would disapprove but in my heart I had dreams and desires of what I wanted. This week God answered one of my prayers and it blew my mind. I received a job offer from an organization which I had wanted to work for for many years and yet even as I interviewed with them I doubted that I would get the position. Subconsciously I returned to my view of a two faced god. I desired a cretin life but was afraid that God would not give it to me. Instead of praying courageously and faithfully I prayed in fear and when He blessed and I received an offer I almost missed the blessing because of my dysfunctional view of God. Within minutes of receiving this offer I began questioning it because it had come to me in such an ordinary way. I almost doubted whether it was God's will. Where was the struggle? Where was my miraculous sign? Yet, it was something I desired and wanted packaged in a very ordinary way.

Daniel 4:35(NIV) No one can hold back His hand or say to him: ‘what have you done?’

Lamentations 3:37 (NIV) Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it?

Colossians 1:17 (NIV) …in him all things hold together…

Scripture after scripture reiterate God’s Providence and yet I have managed to miss it so many times. Honestly, I never even knew what God’s ‘providence’ meant, I had to go look it up!

Proverbs 16:9 (NIV) In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

I can believe God is in control yet still doubt that He is always present in my life. I can read a passage of scripture like Proverbs 16:9 and twist it all up in my mind, thinking, “Great, if God doesn’t agree with what I really want he’ll just bulldoze it down.” I can feel like a little kid on a beach who spent all day building a sandcastle when out of no where some giant hand just swoops in and with one swift, effortless flick of the wrist knocks it all down. This is NOT what this or any of the other scriptures say.

Rom8:28 (NIV) in all things God works for the god of those who love him.

The right perspective is to see how even behind the scenes when I don’t know what’s at work He is working. While I focus on some grains of sand He is chiseling a diamond for me. While I wait for some big miraculous sign He is working behind the scenes and is present in every circumstance. He is just as sovereign through ordinary circumstances as He is through miraculous acts. I returned to the book of Esther to help me see this very example of God working in such a way. God is never even mentioned in the book of Esther but His presence in every circumstance is undeniable. It has truly helped me to see that His presence in my daily circumstance is also undeniable, at least I have finally been able to see it.

Mark 8:12 (NIV) He sighed deeply and said, "Why does this generation ask for a miraculous sign? I tell you the truth, no sign will be given to it."

I know I will have to continue to fight for this perspective as there are days when I can easily be deceived and look for 'signs'. I can think that the right man, job, house or whatever will be revealed in some grand way. In doing so I can miss out on all of God's plans both large and small, whether delivered with a bang or just via a phone call. God does work in ALL things and I should give thanks in ALL circumstances (1Thes5:18) because when I do I force myself to acknowledge God's providence.

"'Winging It" from Stan Smith

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