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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
I have always been filled with expectations. Even as a child I always had great expectations, of the trails I would blaze, the people I would help, of who I would be, where I would go and now I am here. I have reached a point of my life that I have been striving for and yet it’s not quite how I pictured it.
“We all think we are going to be great. But sometimes our expectations sell us short.”[1] -Grey from Grey’s Anatomy
2Cor4:18 (The Message) There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.
When I focus just on what I can see, my expectations can definitely fall short. I always expected to travel and do developmental/humanitarian work as a job. Instead I have done most of this work and travel as a student or volunteer. I expected to help people in a certain way. If you have not noticed the pattern yet, very rarely do things work out the way I envision them. I expected to have certain relationships work out the way I had envisioned them. Instead I am still single. The trail I saw myself blazing both professionally and personally was nothing like the path I have been set on and for that I am so incredibly grateful! My expectations for myself and my life pale in comparison to God’s plans for my life.
“Sometimes the expected simply pales to the unexpected. You gotta’ wonder why we cling to our expectations because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing, still. The expected is just the beginning the unexpected is what changes our lives.”[2] -Grey from Grey’s Anatomy
Every time I have let go of my expectations and stepped out on faith to see what God had in store I have been amazed. Sometimes this was not a right-away type of process either! Who am I kidding; it has never been a see-right-now-what-I-have-planed-for-you- type of process. So, to learn from my past mistakes of setting my own expectations I have tried really hard to not have any as I embark on this life changing adventure. I would never have thought in a million years I would even have the guts to do what I am about to do. I don’t know what to expect or even exactly what I will be doing besides teaching English part of the time. I know that I want to make a difference and volunteer, and that is what I will do, but the rest is so out of focus that I simply can do nothing but surrender it to God and wait for Him to blow me away. I will most likely wince and waiver in my faith and decisions at times; in fact this may even occur as soon as I get off the plane. But if I can hold on to who God is and just cling to Him, I know that He will see me through this and transform my life like never before. For that, it is all worth it.
Psalm 73 (The Message) 1No doubt about it! God is good--good to good people, good to the good--hearted. 2But I nearly missed it, missed seeing his goodness. 3I was looking the other way, looking up to the people.
16Still, when I tried to figure it out, all I got was a splitting headache . . . 17Until I entered the sanctuary of God. Then I saw the whole picture:
22I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox in your very presence. 23I'm still in your presence,
but you've taken my hand. 24You wisely and tenderly lead me, and then you bless me. 25You're all I want in heaven! You're all I want on earth! 26When my skin sags and my bones get brittle, GOD is rock-firm and faithful. 27Look! Those who left you are falling apart! Deserters, they'll never be heard from again. 28But I'm in the very presence of God-- oh, how refreshing it is! I've made Lord GOD my home.
[1] ABC. Producers: Jonathan Sehring, Caroline Kaplan, Kathleen Russo, John Hardy. (1/25/07). Season: 3Episode: Great Expectations.
[2] ABC. Producers: Jonathan Sehring, Caroline Kaplan, Kathleen Russo, John Hardy. (1/25/07). Season: 3Episode: Great Expectations.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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