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Quiet Time

    by Kasia Kedzia

Gritty Faith - It's Decidable
Date Posted: August 7, 2012

I once read that a myth is fiction that looks like the truth. What I deem true on any given day I am called to filter through God’s truth for confirmation. If it is indeed true it is in line with God’s word and character. If it is not in line with God’s word and character then it is a myth.

Sometimes I stop seeking God or praying for certain things because on some subconscious level I feel like it’s not as important to God as it is to me. In my faithlessness I can turn on God.

Mark 4:38 Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"

There are times in my life when I feel like the things that are important to me and that I hold dear may not be all that important in the grand scheme of things and therefore would not be important to God. I become faithless about these aspects of my life and I want to take them into my own hands. Although I won’t say it out loud these are the moments when in my heart I am quietly questioning, “Don’t you care?”

Pursuing faith in these moments helps me to be faithful beyond what I can see. Life without faith is scary. In Mark 4 the disciples could only see their present circumstances and because Jesus was not responding like they thought he should, like me, they too were scared and doubted if he cared.

Mark 4:39-40 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. 40 He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

I can make decisions on faith; those get out of the boat and walk on water type of decisions, and moments later doubt my decisions. In these moments my focus narrows to what I can see rather than what I know to be true about the God that is greater than circumstances.

When Jesus saw people lacking faith he questioned them. He prompted them to make a decision to believe. In Mark 4 he meets their need and then questions their faith. I don’t think he does this to shame them or to state the obvious but to prompt them to increase their faith. In my fear filled moments I too don’t always see that I am in fact being faithless. In my moments of self-doubt or self-reliance I don’t often pause to ask, “Where is my faith?” However, when I do, it immediately reveals the lack of faith in my behavior or thinking. This past week I was stuck. I was not praying about particular aspects of my life and decisions I had made on faith and I could not figure out why I kept getting caught up in fear. I was not motivated to run towards God and could not figure out why I was being so pessimistic and negative. I was doing all the right things but my heart was fearful. My heart was not in God (1Jn4:18). It all clicked into place when I heard a particular point in a sermon, “Sometimes we don’t seek God because we don’t think he will reward us.” That point resonated in the depths of my soul as though Jesus himself were asking, “Do you still have no faith?”

Matthew 8:13 Then Jesus said to the centurion, "Go! It will be done just as you believed it would."

Faith is a decision. My faith must play a stronger role than my fear. It must be rooted in God and not any results I can produce whether professional, physical or relational. It’s not always a giant jump off the cliff type of faith. Sometimes faith is a small decision to tell the truth when faced with the opportunity to omit it; to be pleasant or unaffected in uncomfortable circumstances knowing that God will provide comfort in his time. For me faith is in the small daily decisions. It is doing that which is uncomfortable, sometimes expensive, or scary even when I don’t see results and instead feel exposed and vulnerable. When I choose faith it is fuel for my soul and spirit. It enables me to do the things I would not be able to do merely on my own strength or based on my narrow perception of current circumstances.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

The reason why I am called to cast my anxiety on God is because he cares for me. His heart aches for me the same way my heart can ache for the things I desire more than him. Greater faith allows me to exchange what I think I want for a desire to want his will completely. Greater faith gives me the strength to make hard decisions in what seems like the dark and trust that even the darkness is light to Him (Psalm 139:12).

Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

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Biography Information:
Gods brought me a long way from the New York City Housing Projects. I studied the Bible, repented, and was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins when I was 17 and have been repenting and striving towards heaven ever since. The hardest thing about becoming a Christian at 17 was trusting that God would take care of me, meet my emotional teen needs, and help me overcome my enormous insecurity...what else would a teen girl have trouble with?

Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved  to DC  to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.

Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.

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