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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
I have had these random moments where I have been looking for something after being told where to find the given item. In these moments the harder I looked in the instructed location, the more frustrated I got when I could not find it. In these moments the person who told me where to look tends to come over and, with impeccable ease, pick out the sought item, adding salt to the wound by saying something along the lines of, “it’s right in front of you, what are you blind?”
I have had many blind moments. The harder I tend to look, the harder it is for me to see what is right in front of me. For some strange reason, I focus so hard on looking beyond what is before me that I completely miss it (whatever it is). This past week the ‘it’ has been my future. Sometimes I try to peer so hard into the future that I am completely blind to the present. It’s like a little child staring at the dot picture and trying desperately to see the castle that the instructions say is there; I have moments where I almost see it, but then it quickly fades away and there is nothing but dots again. It isn’t until the eyes relax and I stop trying to force the image that it appear in full view. This week I have had a few blind moments.
Luke18:35-42 (Message) 35He came to the outskirts of Jericho. A blind man was sitting beside the road asking for handouts. 36When he heard the rustle of the crowd, he asked what was going on. 37They told him, "Jesus the Nazarene is going by." 38He yelled, "Jesus! Son of David! Mercy, have mercy on me!" 39Those ahead of Jesus told the man to shut up, but he only yelled all the louder, "Son of David! Mercy, have mercy on me!" 40Jesus stopped and ordered him to be brought over. When he had come near, Jesus asked, 41"What do you want from me?"
There have been moments this past week where I have yelled out for Jesus, but when He asked what I wanted I did not answer. Instead I made statements of what I thought His answer would be. I think X is my future, I believe A will lead to B. If I think about it, really Jesus, this is what I think will happen. I can run scenarios, I can assume the intention of others' actions, I can draw conclusions out of thin air, everything and anything, but asking Jesus to see again. It’s as though I am experiencing a schizophrenic moment of yelling out for Jesus one minute and then yelling "shut up" the next.
He said, "Master, I want to see again." 42Jesus said, "Go ahead--see again! Your faith has saved and healed you!" 43The healing was instant: He looked up, seeing--and then followed Jesus, glorifying God. Everyone in the street joined in, shouting praise to God. (emphasis mine)
The man saw because of his faith. He did not know how, or when, or what it would feel like, or be like but he had faith that Jesus could restore his sight and instantly he was able to see. When I chose to have faith instead of trying to determine and see my fate, I too see instantly. I see what is right before me and trust that what I cannot see will be revealed in due time. I can see the moat around the castle and trust that one day I will see all the details of every chamber and this time the picture will not fade to dots because the dots connect to reveal the picture, but it takes time, faith and patience to see it.
When I try to peer into my own future and determine what is to come by passing judgments quickly and drawing my own conclusions I only end up dizzy, nauseous and anxious. Yet, when I remember to seek faith and not try to fast forward I remember the God who is working out the best for me, whether I am in great distress or simply stressing myself out greatly. I am able to enjoy my present life and blessings.
2 Corinthians 1:9b (Message) As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wit to get out of it, we were forced to trust Go totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead!
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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