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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
Sometimes I think it would be great if we all came with little disclaimer signs. I envision these signs in the form of mood rings. People would be able to look at our rings in order to determine weather it was safe to approach us. This week my disclaimer ring would be the color for, “Approach with caution, this one’s extra punchy at the moment.” As I try to manage and work on aspects of my character, it is sometimes hard for me to continue managing other areas of my life.
As I try to be godly and above reproach at work I can take out my pent up frustrations on those around me lacking gentleness and patience. I maneuvered through the political machine, I did not complain or slander anyone, I did my work to the best of my ability and absorbed the punches as they came. However, by the end of the week I was so exhausted that I was unable to lower my defenses for the weekend and as a result was super sarcastic. I was also critical and impatient with those around me. I realized that although I had learned to manage the situation at work I had not truly learned to work through it. I was focusing so hard on being shrewd and innocent in my actions, I failed to address how it was affecting my heart. I stopped attempting to be patient and gentle towards others. By the end of my weekend I felt defeated, tattered and not very valuble to anyone.
Ish 30:18 (NIV) Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
During the message on Sunday one of the speakers pulled out a crisp $20 bill. He asked the audience if anyone wanted it to which he received a most positive reply, no one was turning down free money. He then proceeded to crumple the bill up and repeat the question. The answer remained the same. He then took the bill threw it on the floor and stomped on it with his foot like it was a cigarette butt. He repeated his question but the answer had not chanced. He than made a statement that truly resonated in my heart, “ Just like this $20 bill has not lost it’s value and you still want it even though it is tattered, dirty and in bad shape, so we do not lose value to God. He still wants us- this is His grace.”
This statement helped to remind me that to God I retain my value. No one at work can take it away and no one in this world can restore the value I think others might be trying to diminish. I also cannot restore it myself by comparing myself to others. I must wait for God.
1 Peter 2:9 (NIV) But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
When I have a better understanding of God’s grace I have a better understanding of His love for me. This love enables me to not only apply actions in my life, but to be more secure at heart in what those actions stand for. Yes, I need to continue to be above reproach at work, but I can do so and not let it steal my joy if I remember my value in God’s eyes. As a result of this right perspective I can also continue to love others around me without criticism and judgment. I no longer hold those around me to my standard, but rather focus on holding myself to God’s. If I do so it enables me to be gentle and patient from within. No longer am I waiting for a phone call from that guy in order to be able to point to something good in my life situation- something better than the job. He may not be so into me, but God always is! No longer do I feel the need to take out my frustration on those around me or simply not practice self control (watch what comes out of my mouth) simply because I feel beaten at work. I can let my defenses down and be vulnerable without feeling invaluable. I stop seeing myself through others eyes or how I think others may view me. I am able to see Jesus as he is meant to be seen which allows me to see myself how he sees me.
2 Corinthians 5:16(Message) 16Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don't look at him that way anymore. 17Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it!
So the guy may not call and work may go just as badly this week as it did last week, but if I can only hold on to His grace I will be more than a conqueror and my disclaimer will read, “Approach freely, this one’s working on it and won’t take it out on you.”
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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