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Quiet Time

    by Kasia Kedzia

I Am Not A Super Hero
Date Posted: March 27, 2012

Sometimes I take a lot on by myself. While I don’t overtly think I can handle everything on my own or am some sort of super hero, I sure can act like it. I know that I need people, but sometimes it’s hard to tell them that. It’s much easier to get mad at them later when I struggled through it myself and they didn’t read my mind.

At a young age I had to do things by myself and for myself. This made me good at juggling many things and taking on a lot of responsibility; it also helped me to be better at taking care of others. However, this made it hard to be vulnerable and rely on others. When I became a Christian I not only learned how to rely more on God but more on the people He placed in my life who want to support me. The hard part then became being strong enough to be vulnerable and ask for what I need. When I am secure in God’s love for me, I’m not worried about protecting myself from pain, disappointment or heartbreak. Instead I am given the strength to reach out and be vulnerable.

1 John 4:18 (NIV)18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Sometimes I don’t even realize I need help. I can feel overwhelmed or anxious and simply try to push through it. It’s a lot easier to share with a friend after the fact, “Look it was bad but this is how I handled it.” However, I am learning that there are times in my life that I need to face things with people by my side not meeting me on the other end.

Ecc4:9 (NLT) Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

This week I prepared for a work trip have felt anxious--more so than usual. I was afraid to fail. When I travel sometimes fear being forgotten or of missing out on something while I am away. In these moments I need to tell my friends how much I need them and what I need from them while away. A text saying, “I’m feeling anxious” is not enough. I have to pick up the phone, call them and say the words, “I need you. This is what I am feeling and this is what would help me.” I may be a doer and look like I have it all under control but none of us have it under control all the time. This is why we need God, his grace and each other. At any given moment in life we all need help. It may feel scary and vulnerable but that feeling passes and is replaced with a deeper bond of friendship and love when I allow people in. My vulnerability showed my friends that I am not as strong as they think I am and that is OK. No, I am not a super hero and I need them as much as they need me. It is in my weakness that God is glorified.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV) 9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

“We neither suffer alone nor conquer alone nor go off into eternity alone. In Him we are inseparable; therefore, we are free to be fruitfully alone whenever we please, because wherever we go, whatever we suffer, whatever happens to us, we are united with those we love in Him because we are united with Him.” – Thomas Merton, No Man Is An Island

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Biography Information:
Gods brought me a long way from the New York City Housing Projects. I studied the Bible, repented, and was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins when I was 17 and have been repenting and striving towards heaven ever since. The hardest thing about becoming a Christian at 17 was trusting that God would take care of me, meet my emotional teen needs, and help me overcome my enormous insecurity...what else would a teen girl have trouble with?

Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved  to DC  to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.

Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.

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