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by Kasia Kedzia
Since my arrival I have learned one valuable lesson over and over again, and continue to learn it; Sudan runs on IBM. " Inasha Allah"- if it is God's will, "Bokra"- tomorrow (equivalent of the Spanish manana), and " Malesh"- sorry. IBM can take on many forms. For instance "we will find you a placement immediately, Inasha Allah," really translates into "within the month you will be placed at your teaching site, maybe, but not likely." IBM can also be, "the bus you need to take home broke down, malesh," which translates into "sorry, that's life. Good luck figuring it out; no nothing is being done about this and you might as well walk." Or my favorite " oh yes, you will get paid, Bokra" meaning "eventually, maybe if you stalk me enough, just keep coming back and things will get done at some point. It will work itself out."
It is too ironic how slow and ridiculously laid back Sudan is. It's like God really brought me out to the dessert to teach me patience because he knew there was no other way. I have a new motivation for patience. It's the ‘there-is-absolutly-nothing-you-can-do-about-it-so-you-might-as-well-be-patient’ motto and there isn't even a hint of the illusion that you can indeed do anything about it. You really can do nothing else but surrender to God’s will, no not, "Inasha Allah," but really surrender everything in prayer and release it. If more people in the US ran on IBM the world would not end and chaos would not break out like I once thought it might, but instead there might be a little less heartburn and a little more faith.
Praying through Psalm23 has really helped me accept IBM and in order to accept it I must believe that God is indeed my shepherd. I need to also know that He is my Shepherd today, tomorrow, and always. I must believe that He will guide me to green pastures and is, in fact, doing so even right now at this moment. God is more concerned for me then I could ever be. I can't focus on yesterday or tomorrow because today is well enough out of my hands and has (no really, really does have) enough problems of its own. I had never much about it until my eyes were opened to it in the past few days. Even now as the country advances and develops its infrastructure, accessibility to modern technology and much more, IBM is still so engrained into it. See, if you miss the train or bus anywhere in America (even in ‘nowhere’ America) you can almost always be sure there is another one coming. You can also almost always be sure that if you work you will get paid and if you don't you can sue and definitely get paid; and, honestly, there is always someone to gripe or complain to--there is a false sense of control and security. That does not exist where I am. Life is too simple, in the best possible way, and therefore people accept it and enjoy it a heck of a lot more as a result. The entire situation also brings God into such focus. I have always known that I am an impatient person, but when control is taken entirely away, no amount of my frustration and motion can change it; if anything, all I will get is hot, sweaty and tired as a result.
The hardest part about praying through Psalm 23 was really reading it with fresh eyes and meditating on the meaning of each verse. This was very difficult at first as this is by far one of the most popular Psalms and so often quoted that it had lost its effect on my heart. But I wonder now if it ever really hit me at all or if I had ever really read it with an open heart. My current life circumstances have brought the verses to life unlike ever before as I learn patience on a whole new level.Rate it:
Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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