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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
I love secrets, as in I love being entrusted with them or knowing something others don’t. There is something exiting about knowing a secret. I can feel entrusted or just plain special. This concept of ‘being in the know’ can easily get warped when I don’t know what’s going on or what someone else is thinking. When I’m not in the know I can make assumptions and listen to the wrong voices inside me.
Deuteronomy 29:29 (NIV) The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.
(The Message) Our God, will take care of the hidden things but the revealed things are our business.
God allows me to know just enough that I can deal with and/or address but in my own little controlling ways I want to know more even when it’s non of my business. I want to know something without ever listening to Him.
Psalm46:10 (NIV) Be still and know that I am God.
Recently, I let not knowing really mess with my head. I had not heard back from a new friend in a while and thought I had been dropped. I thought, oh well I guess this person just doesn’t want me in their life, or she has no time for me anymore. I let all kind of thoughts enter my mind of how she must have judged me based on x or y. I felt all these things and had all these thoughts just because I had not heard from her. I had a busy week and kept going about my day to day and told myself how this did not effect me but in the back of my mind there were all sorts of voices telling me all sorts of lies. I realized I could do this with God too. Instead of just being still or simply acting on what I know I get caught up in what I don’t know and get restless. The same way I can mistrust God, I can mistrust people and it becomes a vicious cycle as the way I mistrust others reflects my mistrust in God’s sovereign will at work in my life. When I don’t surrender my relationships to Him I’m not listening to Him and just want to know things for myself.
Sometimes God is calling and I can’t hear Him because I am not listening for Him or because I am too focused on other’s voices. He calls and like Samuel I go running to someone else for answers not recognizing His voice (1Sam3) or I let other voices drown out His.
1 Samuel 3:10 (NIV) 4Then the LORD called Samuel. Samuel answered, "Here I am." 5 And he ran to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." But Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down." So he went and lay down. 6 Again the LORD called, "Samuel!" And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." "My son," Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down." 7 Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD: The word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him. 8 The LORD called Samuel a third time, and Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." Then Eli realized that the LORD was calling the boy. 9 So Eli told Samuel, "Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, 'Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.'" So Samuel went and lay down in his place. 10 The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" Then Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant is listening."
I let the voices of worry, anxiety, or self-focus drown out God’s voice as he whispers to my soul (1Kings19).
As long as I kept my thoughts to myself and in my head there was no possibility of allowing God’s perspective to be shed on it. As long as the only voice I listened to was my own I was unable to hear God’s. Once I vocalized my thoughts to a mutual friend I brought my dark thoughts into the light and was able to see my wrong thinking as she was able to better inform me of the situation. God had given her another peace of the puzzle, she too knew what she was meant to know. When I was open the truth was revealed.
1 John 1:5-7 (NIV) 5This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. 7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
When I was able to be still before God and humble enough to listen to Him I was also humble enough to try and approach my friend again only to find out she had had a hard week and her distance wasn’t personal. Me making the effort to follow up not out of a motive of feeling shafted or wanting to know but just letting her know that I cared allowed me to encourage her and dispel the lies I had conjured up in my mind. When I trust that God is revealing just enough to me I am a lot more receptive to listen for His voice and to look to give to others around me instead of focusing on myself. I am also more apt to be open with others and bring what is in the dark corners of my mind into broad daylight. When I trust He is giving me enough it allows me to trust others and consider them without getting caught up in my own insecurities.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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