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Quiet Time

    by Kasia Kedzia

Know When To Quit
Date Posted: June 9, 2009

I am a fighter. This can be a good thing or it can have its draw backs. It really all depends on what exactly I am fighting for. Recently, I realized I fight sometimes just for the sake of fighting. I want to fight simply to prove a point, or prove myself, or get something I want. I want my own way. I found myself fighting in this way for my job. I have been unhappy there for a while but instead of accepting the situation for what it was and being open to what is to come I found myself fighting to prove myself. It took a wise mentor to point out to me that if I was fighting just to prove I could do the job that I would most likely win the fight but at the end of the day would still not be happy or more content because I was not passionate about what I was fighting for. What she didn’t realize was that she also helped me to see that I was fighting God just as hard for my own plan and validation in this as well as other areas of my life.

Genesis 32:24-32 (NIV) 24So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak." But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." 27 The man asked him, "What is your name?" "Jacob," he answered. 28 Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome." 29 Jacob said, "Please tell me your name." But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there.

There is a time to fight and a time to submit. I know when I fight for the right things, with the right motivation, God really does bless me. However, when my motivation is selfish or just plain stubborn I imagine myself flailing my arms, fists in the air, with my forehead pressed up against God’s giant pinky as I try to take a swing at thin air. Until, he finally gets bored and I fall flat on my face panting for air. Boy, must I look ridiculous to him. Yet, I keep doing it! I realized recently that often when I fight in this way I am really fighting out of fear.

Joel 2:21-27 (NIV) 21Be not afraid, O land; be glad and rejoice. Surely the LORD has done great things. 22Be not afraid, O wild animals, for the open pastures are becoming green. The trees are bearing their fruit; the fig tree and the vine yield their riches. 23Be glad, O people of Zion, rejoice in the LORD your God, for he has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before. 24The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil. 25 'I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten - the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm - my great army that I sent among you. 26 You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the LORD your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed. 27 Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the LORD your God, and that there is no other; never again will my people be shamed.

It has taken a lot for me to fight my fear over the last few weeks. Specifically at work, I have had to come in extra early and go through my email inbox and tasks for the day. When I feel the frustration boiling to my face, I get up and leave to take time to meditate, pray and spend time with God. I have then returned to my job with a better mindset because I have been able to take the time to focus on who God really is in the situation. He is my God. He will send rains during my life's droughts.

Daniel 10:12-13 (NIV) 12Then he continued, "Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. 13But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia.

God has never forgotten me. Even during, what seemed to be, the hardest of times He has come through. I have seen rainbows on rainy days. So how dare I question him now? He is right there with me. It is I that choses to ignore him some times. Not only that but he sends angles to help me, even if they run late some times, they are on their way. I have clung onto the image in Joel and Daniel this past week and it has truly helped me to be grounded in who God is. It has helped me to give up and submit to God - to stop fighting Him and myself. By doing this it has also helped me to resist the temptations to be bitter, angry, frustrated, or selfish; well, you get the picture. It has helped me to flee when I needed to and draw nearer to God. I have learned that these three things go hand in hand. I must submit, resist and come near to God in order to truly be able to fight the right way and for all the right reasons. If I just resist and don’t run to God to draw near to Him I will only get hit harder. And lastly I have seen that nothing has given me peace like when I run to Him. Sometimes it may take time, but the angel does get there and peace will come. Now the fight to hold on to it, well, umm, that’s a lesson for a different time but at least I know that I am not fighting alone.

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Biography Information:
Gods brought me a long way from the New York City Housing Projects. I studied the Bible, repented, and was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins when I was 17 and have been repenting and striving towards heaven ever since. The hardest thing about becoming a Christian at 17 was trusting that God would take care of me, meet my emotional teen needs, and help me overcome my enormous insecurity...what else would a teen girl have trouble with?

Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved  to DC  to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.

Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.

Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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