by Kasia Kedzia
Love is humble. Humility is the opposite of boasting, the opposite of pride. In my pride I say, “I can handle this. I can do this on my own. I am in control. I can fix it.” Fear fuels my pride. I turn to my own strength when I am terrified.
In my pride I miss God’s miracles in my life. I sometimes miss the work God is doing on the hearts of my friends because his work doesn’t look the way I think it should. I plead to see myself through God’s eyes yet dismiss the random text from a person he is using to speak courage and love into my heart.
The miracles I often look for are dramatic, quick relief, or radical change in my or others circumstances. Yet, when God shows up the miracle comes in unexpected ways; the miracle is His presence.
Mark4:37-38 “A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38 Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
Humility trusts that God is good at being God and I am not. Pride blocks real love and questions it. When my miracle doesn’t come on my terms, I tend to question God’s love and pull away from Him.
When I am humble, I’ll think, “I can not be transformed without God’s help. I don’t have to do it alone. He is in control and His outcomes are always better than whatever I would long for, even if I can not see it. I don’t have to fix it because He’s got it under control.” When I am humble, I allow others to be transformed by God in His way on His terms instead of trying to be the conduit for transformation.
James 4:8 “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.”
I’ve recently been reading Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst. In this book, she references another storm in Mark 6:45-52. Here the disciples are missing Jesus’ miracle as they are terrified and confused. She writes,
“They were close to Him but unaware of His presence. They could hear Him but could not grasp His promises. And they surely needed Him but did not take hold of His provision. And they were terrified.”
She then goes on to break down the word ‘terrified’ as meaning “to set in motion what needs to remain still.” This struck a cord so deep inside me. This is the essence of my battle for control when I am afraid. I doubt God’s goodness and sovereignty in my fear. I set things in motion that should remain still.
In my pride, I take things into my own hands instead of choosing humility and asking for His help. I miss the miracle, of His presence, while longing for the “miracle” I desire. I stir my own storms and they consume me, and knock down those I love most who stand it their wake.
I recall sitting across from a man I loved a few months after our breakup and looking into his tired eyes. I was looking into the face of the person I loved most and my heart ached as I saw the result of my choosing fear and pride over love. I set in motion what should have remained still. My self-made storms crushed him and our love in the process. This humbled me. Seeing I could cause so much pain to the one person I loved most because I chose fear instead of love. This sent me running and calling back to God for help, for answers and for healing not only for myself but also for him.
Love is humble. As I step out of the boat sobered by the effects of my storms I choose humility. I choose to run to the only place I know for lasting transformation and peace from the storm. I run to God, and in love He receives me yet again.
"'Winging It" from
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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