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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
Neither of us could have anticipated the impact of the words on that little piece of paper, so many years later, not only for me but for himself. When something this outrageous happens, this beyond you, you can’t help but see God’s hand in it.
“Trust HIS unseen hand. It’s leading you to a better place. Don’t worry about saving face, it’s covered by HIS grace. He is forever strong so you don’t have to be! HIS plan is perfect and HIS promises are true, trust me.”
An old friend had shared this quote with me over 5 years ago accompanied by the scripture in Job8:5-7, which the quote reflects.
Last week, nine months later, I sat across from this same friend, after not speaking for many years. I was brimming with love, hope and peace. I was in the best place I’ve ever been. I now pulled the little pieces of paper with the handwritten quotes and scripture out of my journal and slid them across the table to him. It was his turn to be reminded of the promise and truth he once shared with me.
When my love for people comes from Him, this is how God works. His love is never transactional, it has no agenda but for us to see ourselves how He sees us, through the lens of this deep love.
We hadn’t spoken in years and things were not left on the best of terms. He asked to catch up and I didn’t hesitate. All I knew was that I had an opportunity to show up in love. There was no agenda or plan. I hadn’t planned on giving him back the quotes, they were just in the back of my journal where I carried them as a reminder to myself. Yet, when prompted in my spirit, I knew it was time to give them back.
This is how God works. We write some words on a piece of paper, not knowing the full impact they can have and God uses them years later. We love or serve someone now and maybe we don’t see anything happening but God works in his time and ways, and years later we watch our children or our children’s children impacted. We share God’s love with someone and plant a seed and God grows it in His way beyond what we could have ever imagined.
Job11:15-18 “”If only you would prepare your heart and lift up your hands to him in prayer! Then your face will brighten with innocence. You will be strong and free of fear. Your life will be brighter than the noonday. Even darkness will be as bright as morning. Having hope will give you courage. You will be protected and will rest in safety.”
Love is not transactional. It’s not, “if you … then I will…” Love is relational.
This is God’s love, meeting someone without an agenda, vulnerably, without expectation, judgment, or ego. You don’t need to know the other person’s motives. You just need to show up in love, be present and seek to understand. This is who Jesus was.
I love the example of this in John 4:5-20, especially in the living translation. It’s such an example of Jesus’ heart for ALL kinds of people. In the passage we see, He is tired, thirsty, hungry and yet he is present. He was always ready. He looked at her and loved her and didn’t have any judgment. There wasn’t an agenda.
Judgment says that someone doesn’t deserve Jesus unless they do what we think they should do, or respond to how we think they should.
When Jesus looked at her, she was a person. She was not an unbeliever, she was not “struggling.” He wasn’t trying to convince her of anything. He just spoke his truth, in love.
This woman felt connected to Jesus because He loved her.
It’s hard for me to love those who don’t naturally love me when I am the source of my love. My love is transactional. Something shifts when the source is HIM.
I have to pray for that love. It hurts me. It hurts me when I’ve stepped out into it, and people hurt me. It’s tempting to want to go out to prove myself or choose self preservation. Yet each time, He restores. He teaches me boundaries and compassion, to separate when someone’s response is not about me but about them. It’s the loving work and investment in our relationship. Its ok to fail, it’s how we mend.
I learn this balance, healthy boundaries, from walking with Jesus.
I’ve learned to pray to see myself the way God sees me so that I can have God’s heart for others.
It’s a marriage between my heart and head. It’s relational work. It’s not a, “God if I do this I want that in return.” It’s a, “In this relationship I trust who you are. I see and feel your love. You are enough. Out of this love for me I want to move to share it with others, not to get, because you have already given me all I need.”
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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