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Quiet Time

    by Kasia Kedzia

Never Forgotten
Date Posted: June 26, 2012

Sometimes it’s hard not to compare myself to others. It’s impossible not to notice someone else getting something I’ve wanted or worked for. It’s envy, and it can be even harder when that someone doesn’t believe in God or has accomplished something by using less then honest means. In those moments, it is tempting to look at their accomplishments and feel unprotected or dropped by God. They didn't do it his way yet they seemingly prosper. It’s hard not to entertain the idea of making my own short cuts. I call this my “other son” moment. It’s the story of the prodigal son’s brother, the one who stayed behind and did all he was supposed to do but then felt shafted when the brother came back. When I lose perspective of what my motivation in life is and focus on circumstances or accomplishments, I can become envious and have an “other son” moment. In these moments I can feel hurt, disappointment, even anger. In these moments I need perspective.

Ps37:7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways […] 19 in times of disaster they (the righteous) will not wither; in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

I can have emotional and spiritual moments of famine. In these moments it is hard to see that God feels my pain and is there with me. It is easier to feel like he is withholding. I picture him standing on the proverbial ‘other side’ yelling, “Ok, suck it up and get over here. It’s better on this side.” I can feel like God wants me to get to a point where I can see things from his wider perspective, which he does, but he also feels my pain and hurt in that moment. I can miss out on his presence in the moment. Yes, he sees what’s on the other side of our trials, but he is also with us in those moments, deeply moved, ready to comfort. This can give us strength to continue to do what is right, his way.

In John 11Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead, but before he does, he lets him die. When Lazarus’ sisters are in pain he feels that pain with them and cries with them even though he knows what’s coming. He doesn’t tell them to suck it up and just wait to see what he will do. He hurts with them in the present and is with them throughout, until Lazarus resurrects. He sees the broader perspective of what would come out of the pain and grief, and he is also present in the moment. What comes out of the pain is many knowing Him and putting their faith in Him. His way is for his glory and our good. It’s easy for me to forget “It’s for my good” part. Sometimes we want to chase after or morn for things that God has graciously removed for our own good.

In Psalm 37 God says that, “the righteous will inherit the land” five times. To inherit means that they will enjoy creation the way the wicked cannot on earth and that they will inherit eternity in heaven. It’s about having hope for the present and the future. It’s about anchoring my heart and soul in gratitude of the cross in the present and in hope of what’s to come in the future. Knowing God is present now helps me to hold on when I feel like I’ve been forgotten. It helps me to re-anchor my identity in him so that I can share and love others instead of comparing myself to them. God’s help and provision is timely. God has the ability to see my suffering in the moment and he’s present and effected when I am in pain. He also has the ability to look at the pain and in the big scope of eternity he sees the good that will come from it.

Psalm 37:28 For the Lord loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever, […]

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Biography Information:
Gods brought me a long way from the New York City Housing Projects. I studied the Bible, repented, and was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins when I was 17 and have been repenting and striving towards heaven ever since. The hardest thing about becoming a Christian at 17 was trusting that God would take care of me, meet my emotional teen needs, and help me overcome my enormous insecurity...what else would a teen girl have trouble with?

Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved  to DC  to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.

Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.

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