Subscription Lists

In the days before the recent holidays, I found myself feeling rushed, anxious and weak. Pre-holiday angst has a way of placing many people in this mood, so I figured that I would have the time to slow down and recover during the holidays themselves, as I had done in the past.

This year something was off. The running and anxiety were not passing, but instead increasing. The harder I tried to make time to just be still and have some peace or reflect, the more obstacles seemed to get in the way, quite literally starting with stepping off of the plane and not finding my luggage there waiting for me. More and more I was put in a position of dependence on other people around me, making me frustrated and feeling weak, as opposed to the self sufficient adventure holiday I had planned. I came back from the holidays more tired than when I left. The worst thing was that the more I tried to connect with God, the more it seemed like our lines were crossed. The network was down.

Ironically, a few weeks ago, I had been writing to a friend, about how we are strong when we feel weak and how God uses those moments to teach us. Now I found myself hearing those words echo in my head and replacing them with, “blah, blah, blah…. I don’t want to hear it!” This reaction came from a place of anger as I realized that my weaknesses are not an accident. God deliberately allowed them in my life for the purpose of demonstrating his power through me. I don’t always like this fact.

Again, ironically, it was at this moment of frustration and anger at God and having to depend on others for my physical well being, that the prayers and words of others helped me more than I was ready to admit. Thankfully, while I may be having some issues in connecting with God, there are people in my life who still have the right perspective. It can be hard to be the person being prayed for instead of the one praying for someone else, but it’s nice sometimes. On the days that I have felt strong or even joyful but had no idea where it was coming from I know that it was fueled by the prayers of others.

Psalm 77:19 (NIV) Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.

When I read this passage I though it was really cool how the Israelites, like myself when reading this scripture in the past, credited Moses with the parting of the Red Sea. I can so clearly see an image of Moses’ hands parted up in the air, but it was not Moses or his hands, it was God. God parted the sea even though He was not seen.

My unseen God is working in my life even through my tantrums, and although I may think our lines are crossed, He is hearing me and those around me loud and clear.

James 1:2-4 (The Message) 2Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. 3You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. 4So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

A friend recently sent me the definition of perseverance:

“Perseverance-steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.”

I have not been persistent enough in my pursuit of God lately, but I’m glad others have been interceding in perseverance on my behalf. In turn it has given me the strength and encouragement to persevere, to remember that His grace is sufficient enough.

1 Thessalonians 1:8 (The Message) Your lives are echoing the Masters Word…The news of your faith in God is out. We don’t even have to say anything anymore—you’re the message!

I don’t like being weak, but it’s worth it some times, as it is only in those times that I am vulnerable enough to hear what God is really trying to tell me. And if I still cringe at the idea of my weakness I turn to Hudson Taylor who reminds me that, “All God’s giants were weak people.” So maybe it’s not so bad all the time.

"The Way" from Kevin Pauley

The Second Sin