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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
I can be so nearsighted when it comes to God’s plan. I can let what’s right in front of me distract me from the bigger vision God has in mind. The second I receive any sort of answer to even a part of a prayer I can quickly think I know the direction God is taking me; I know the rest so I can take it from here. In the past I have quickly taken control at the slightest inkling of what seemed like “a sign.” I am now learning to be a bit more patient and as C.S Lewis wrote, “to look beyond.” The only way to do this is to let God really lead me through it and get out of my own way. It is really important for me to acknowledge that I may know where I am going but I do not know where He is leading me until the road he has put me on is behind me.
Romans 8:14-16 (NIV) Those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of son ship.
“ Christianity seems at first to be all about morality, all about duties and guilt and virtue, yet it leads you on, out of all of that, into something beyond.” – C.S. Lewis
It is so easy for me to partially obey God and His Spirit, just enough to give the right Christian appearance. I can do things out of duty or guilt fearing punishment if I do not. This is a faulty perspective. God is continually leading me and He wants me to respond out of Love not fear. He has freed me from all that. He wants me to obey so that He can do greater things in my life. Yet, it is extremely difficult to look deeper into my heart past the obvious ‘right’ action; go past the safe zone, and act on the unknown versus what I think I can see. I am learning to live in anticipation of what is to come because I know that I don’t have to wait for God to show up, He’s already here with me. It’s when I don’t obey that I limit what He can do.
Recently, my obedience has come in the form of apologies, some easier than others. At times it was easy and rewarding, at other times it was hard. I did not want to do it. I was faced with apologizing to one person in particular who hurt me a great deal. There was a great fear of losing a part of myself by apologizing, or that somehow by apologizing I would nullify their part in hurting me and take the entire blame on myself. However, I did not lose any part of me and I gained a giant part of God. I learned that I need to be willing to do what God asks even when it makes no sense. This has and will continue to challenge my pride, but it may also inspire others to respond and ultimately the experience makes me grow. I cannot see this growth till it has truly taken root and I can not grow unless I let Him lead me. I have also applied this in my career pursuits. As different opportunities appear I can be tempted to jump at the first one that looks right to me. I’m learning to be more patient and weigh my options more carefully. This requires that I trust God to provide and continue to do right by being a woman of integrity.
Philippians 2:14-16 (The Message) Do everything readily and cheerfully- no bickering, no second-guessing allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living […]
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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