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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
Sometimes the 6” distance between my head and my heart can seem like a chasm. The heart of the matter: trust. It is hard for me to trust people and for many years I did not link it to distrust in God.
Trust - firm belief (faith) in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. Other synonyms for trust are: confidence, belief, faith, certainty, assurance, conviction, credence; reliance.
Proverbs 3 (NLT) 5Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
I am learning that my willfulness is the barrier to God reliance. The scary thing is, I can be proud and stubborn and not even recognize it. In an effort to protect myself it results in me hurting those I love the most. Sometimes it takes serious consequences to jolt me into reality. My pride can prevent me from receiving God’s love. When I am arrogant and proud I think I know best.
Pv3:7 Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. 8 Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.
At the heart of humility is God dependence. A friend recently encouraged me to pray, “Open handed and open hearted.” A few days later I came across this quote, “Make your plans but hold them loosely.” You think God is trying to tell me something? Amidst revealing my pride He still speaks truth in love into my life. The things I hold preciouses but take for granted He makes new in my life when I think he should take them away. He wants me to accept His great love. The more secure I am in God’s love for me, His Sovereignty and power, the more empowered I am to be secure in him and surrender my will to his.
Pv3:11 My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you.12For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.
I am learning that God’s reproof is a display of His love. He does not punish, he allows consequences of my sin to teach me the lessons I must learn to see His ways are better. He wants me to see that when I allow my convictions to turn into condemnation I stifle my spiritual growth and restart the cycle of pride.
Jms 9:23-24 (NLT) “Don’t let the wise boast in their wisdom, or the powerful boast in their power, or the rich in their riches. But those who wish to boast should boast in this alone: that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord who demonstrates unfailing love and who brings justice and righteousness to the earth, and that I delight in these things. I, the Lord, have spoken!”
When I am proud, I rely on myself to try to fight my fears, but am only left frustrated when I fail. When I rely on God I can change, take courage, and trust he will not let me fall. I can hand over my deepest darkest fears to Him, knowing he holds me close. Nothing baffles our God. He’s not trying to find a way. He already knows the perfect way, if I only let Him guide me in it instead of trying to make up my own.
25You need not be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, 26 for the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.
Sometimes I can get all these concepts in my head but they don’t take root in my heart. When I am proud I reach for self-protection and look to my own needs before looking to God. The circumstance that I could face in full assurance I instead face in fear. Circumstances expose my inability to handle the things I thought I could – then fear sets in. But instead of being delivered from this perfect storm of circumstances, I experience God in the midst of the struggle. My pride is the only thing standing in the way of the blessing he wants to give me, His peace. When I am secure in his love I can give out of it to others. I can give my heart without trying to control the outcome of the relationship or the person I’m with. I can trust my career and my heart to God and give my best to those around me without fear.
27 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them.
So how do I overcome my pride? I cry out to God, and surrender my will, daily, to accept the truth: God’s strength is completely made perfect in my weakness. It is only when I stop fighting against my weakness and cry out to Him that I can trust God. It is a step of faith, to be assured that the God that overcame death for me can meet my needs. God is not baffled by any situation or emotion I face. He knows all and he waits for me to turn to him. He calls me to a deeper faith, to step out in full assurance and believe with all my head and heart that He is carrying me. It is then that he closes the 6” chasm between my head and my heart.
Habkk 2:1 “ I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me, and what answer I am to give…”
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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