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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
I don't really like the phrase "Keep your eyes on Jesus." I have always gotten a mental picture of some meek individual staring up at a picture of a frail malnourished white man gently pinned to a thin cross with a single drop of blood running down his brow. I can't respect that image. That image goes against everything I have known Jesus to be. I can't keep my eyes on that. The man I am supposed to keep my eyes on is strong, he is brave, he was marred beyond recognition on the cross and he is not afraid to tell me, "No!" In fact, he has on many occasions.
Hebrews 5:8 (NIV) Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered and once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him and was designed by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek.
I have been seeing lately how keeping my eyes on Jesus is a matter of submission, which is something I don't do very well. Submitting basically means doing something I don't want to do or feel like doing. Recently my submission has come in the form of going against what every fiber of my body wanted me to do. To put it discreetly, I had to ignore the big purple polka dot elephant in the room so to speak. I have never had to do this before, in fact, in the past I would be the first loud mouth to yell out, "What are you all blind? Look at the big purple polka dot elephant!" But in this case, God made it very clear that this elephant is to be left untouched and unspoken about. This elephant is from the past and although I see it and must learn from it and remember what it represents, I do not have to engage with it.
The elephant in this case takes the form of pain and guilt, while at other times it can take a different form (Identify your own elephant. They come in different colors). However, I do not have to focus on my pain. It is vital that I stay focused on God's plan and not my pain. I am able to submit and do this when I look at the Jesus who submitted to ultimate pain. If he endured pain, abandonment, and the humiliation of the cross, I too can submit even when it hurts to do what is right. I can let go of pain and guilt.
If you focus on the elephant too long, it can make you bitter, and as a result, you get stuck and can't see God's plan, or even the hope of God's plan. In fact, at that point, the elephant is probably sitting on you and blocking the view. Many people can become bitter instead of becoming better, but if they do this they never grow up. If I respond the way Jesus would, in submission I am able to grow. Paula Rinehart wrote, "You know you're an adult when you start to realize that some sorrows in life will never go away. You learn to carry them with you in ways that enrich rather than debilitate your life, in ways that make you wise."
God has a purpose for me that is a lot bigger than I can fathom, but in order to see it and let him use me I have to let go, move out from under the elephant's behind, stand up, and then submit.
Romans 8:17 (message) We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him.
It took a lot of wrestling for me to submit in this particular instance, but when I was able to get to a place where I could really appreciate Jesus' submission and truly stand in utter awe and respect of this man and all he had done for me, somehow it wasn't so hard anymore in comparison to what he had to submit to. But in all honesty, the next room I walk into, I would prefer to be elephant free.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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