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I really don’t give God as much glory as He deserves. A sure sign of whether or not I am giving God His deserved glory and reverence is to ask myself what I value the most at a given point in time. What I am most committed to is what I worship. I can easily divert my reverence from God and instead worship people, my relationships and myself.

As I have prepared to leave the country God has used many people to encourage me and to give to me, but I took this gift and corrupted it. I began to get puffed up by people and their attention rather then continue to focus on God. When pressed for time and caught up with life’s busyness, I began to reminisce on people’s praises of me and get my drive from them rather than getting my comfort and strength from God and His word. The very thing people had praised me for, my reliance on God, I easily perverted and instead relied on myself.

Rev3:1b-3 (The Message) "I see right through your work. You have a reputation for vigor and zest, but you're dead, stone dead. 2"Up on your feet! Take a deep breath! Maybe there's life in you yet. But I wouldn't know it by looking at your busywork; nothing of God's work has been completed. Your condition is desperate. 3Think of the gift you once had in your hands, the Message you heard with your ears--grasp it again and turn back to God.

God was trying to use people to reveal Himself in a greater way in my life and remind me of how much He has done through me--this is only because of my willingness to let Him use me and not because of how great I am. Because let’s face it, without God we are not great at all. In fact, without God, there is no way I would give of myself the way I have been able to, nor would I have such deep, honest and transparent relationships with people. God was trying to build my faith before I leave, but when I began to focus on people in my heart I took the honor away from God and took the glory for myself. I put God second when I began to get security from their words, attention, affection, and love for me instead of His.

During this time I prayed to God and thanked Him as He continued to bless me. I was oblivious to the sin growing in my heart. It took an entire week for me to see what I had allowed to happen. See, sometimes I don’t think one can tell outwardly that the heart is getting corrupted. I think it can be a gradual process of little baby steps taken towards people and away from God. It can sneak in slowly and we won’t even notice when our happiness ‘all of a sudden’ (not really sudden at all) is dependent on circumstances and others. I can tell what I worship by what happens when it is challenged. Yet scriptures can quickly expose the sins of the heart and redirect. You know it applies to you when it stings a little when you read it. At least that’s how I know it applies to me.

Malachi1:6-10 (The Message) 6"Isn't it true that a son honors his father and a worker his master? So if I'm your Father, where's the honor? If I'm your Master, where's the respect?" GOD-of-the-Angel-Armies is calling you on the carpet: "You priests despise me! "You say, "Not so! How do we despise you?' "By your shoddy, sloppy, defiling worship. "You ask, "What do you mean, "defiling"? What's defiling about it?' 7"When you say, "The altar of GOD is not important anymore; worship of GOD is no longer a priority,' that's defiling. 8And when you offer worthless animals for sacrifices in worship, animals that you're trying to get rid of--blind and sick and crippled animals--isn't that defiling? Try a trick like that with your banker or your senator--how far do you think it will get you?" GOD-of-the-Angel-Armies asks you. 9"Get on your knees and pray that I will be gracious to you. You priests have gotten everyone in trouble. With this kind of conduct, do you think I'll pay attention to you?" GOD-of-the-Angel-Armies asks you. 10"Why doesn't one of you just shut the Temple doors and lock them? Then none of you can get in and play at religion with this silly, empty-headed worship. I am not pleased. The GOD-of-the-Angel-Armies is not pleased. And I don't want any more of this so-called worship!

I have been incredibly blessed by God and surrounded by so much love and support, especially in the past few months. It was really encouraging to see in His letters to the churches in Revelations, as well as in Malachi, that God loves me and His people so much that He would warn us, plead with us and even still bless us, despite our disrespect, self righteousness, and just plain ignorance some times. It hurts Him so much and yet He loves so deeply to continue to take us back every day and bless us beyond what we can even imagine. I pray to continue to be refined by Him and see my sin before me when I get all twisted. It will happen, but if I can see it, I can change it- if I seek Him daily.

Colossians 3:23 (NIV) 23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.

"Refreshment in Refuge" from Gina Burgess

Things that go bump in the night