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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
When I reflect on the things that truly scare me versus the things that don’t seem to faze me much, I tend to perplex myself and those around me. For example, I had to do something recently that scared me. As I waited to face what I had to do, fear gripped me even more. I was scared to fail, to be judged. I was scared of all the things I could not possibly know, foresee, or control. Yet, when faced with my ultimate task, it really wasn’t that bad. I got through it and felt a wave of relief afterward. I didn’t handle it perfectly and I know there will be many such situations (name your own dreaded moment here) ,but one thing that really helped me get through it was knowing God really wanted to use this to show me my growth. Or at least this was my hope as the opportunity to exhibit growth presented itself. I love the fact God doesn’t care how fast I grow, but rather how strong I grow, and let’s face it, we grow through trials. I had to face the pain and fear to see the growth, and I had to let go of the past in order to grow in the first place.
“Growth is often painful and scary. There is no growth without change; there is no change without fear or loss; and there is no loss without pain. Every change involves a loss of some kind. You must let go of the old ways in order to experience the new.” (Rick Warren, Purpose Driven Life, p220)
I was in a scary situation recently when I accidentally stumbled on a pack of wild dogs, which is not uncommon in third world countries. At first the dogs simply growled and barked, as they usually do. However, as I continued to walk, I found myself surrounded/escorted by the angry pack. As I continued to walk, some of the dogs began to bite me on the backs of my legs. In the moment I just kept walking and stayed calm. I did what I knew to do, which was to not provoke them, continue moving towards light and people in order to get out of the situation. I got to a friend’s house in shock and then broke down. The experience was frightening, but I was able to cope rather quickly and move on, even laugh about it later that evening. The bites ended up not being that bad and the rabies shots are coming right along. No signs of foaming at the mouth yet.
After the incident I thought that I might really have problems, perhaps develop a phobia of dogs. A few days later, however, I was at a friend’s home who owns a couple of rather large pit-bulls and I was fine. In fact I loved them! So why is it that I could handle this scary situation and even make light of it while the every-day-hard-and-painful-situations can truly haunt me and leave deeper scars?
It’s a continuous journey of letting go. The pain I felt that evening with the dogs was momentary and there was no loss attached...thank goodness I still have all my limbs. In the end, the incident served as a great metaphor for me – keep walking! Don’t stop. Don’t look back. Don’t try to fight what you cannot, just keep walking towards the light and through the pain. And next time, if you can, avoid the path with the dogs! It’s a learning experience.
Psalm119:33-37 (NIV) Teach me, O Lord to follow your decrees, and then I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.
I feel like I have grown and changed so much over the past few months. I look back at the person I was and I acknowledge this is no longer who I am. I can still fear this person’s return once in a while, but God continues to guide me. I believe that it is impossible for someone to truly change if they do not know God. Lasting change comes through knowing Him. I know that it is only through Him that Godliness has won out over selfishness. The more I grow, no matter how much life bites me in the rear, the more I understand. God turns my eyes from worthless things and preserves my life. Not only that, he enriches it with every step.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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