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I can be petty. I wonder why I get caught up in pettiness and yet simultaneously can despise it so much. Most conflicts and discord that I myself have been part of or seen others get ‘stuck’ in are petty. They are things and issues that will not matter the following day, week, or month, and it is guaranteed that no one will even remember them in a year’s time. Yet, without fail, petty conflicts plague our lives.

Pettiness is defined as: Of little or no importance or consequence; of lesser or secondary importance; mean or ungenerous in small or trifling things; of secondary rank, esp. in relation to others of the same class or kind.

For me pettiness can come out of selfishness and a lack of consideration for the other person. All of a sudden I can feel taken advantage of thinking that, “I put in more time, work, effort, money, etc...” I can feel like the ‘better’ person. As a result, I can get embittered towards the person who I feel slighted by. I no longer can see the good in them, instead I am blinded by my bitterness and can only see their faults. Their very voice can irritate me. I can feel like they are stealing my joy, when in fact it is my bitterness and pettiness which has stolen it.

I have had to fight my petty thoughts a lot living in a household with four other people, but it wasn’t until I saw how destructive it can truly be through witnessing an incident in which I was literally caught in the middle of a petty dispute. As two roommates went back and forth hashing over details I could feel the tension in the room rise. It made me squeamish, they wouldn’t make eye contact and the tones in their voices were tense and flat. It was uncomfortable but more so it was sad because all of a sudden everyone in the room was pulled into the tension and I felt helpless. I couldn’t ignore this nor could I make it go away. So I did the only thing I knew how to and I said it out loud. I said what I was feeling and seeing and just put it out there. Once it was there it could not be ignored but it was not resolved either. The tension is still present and it will most likely take time before it will be gone.

It takes time to love someone to the point of overlooking their faults and it takes quality time to get to know someone on a deep enough level to trust their heart enough not to jump to conclusions and think oneself better than them.

I finally saw how destructive pettiness can be because of how quickly it sucked the peace and joy out of the room that day. How easily the focus went from God to ‘self’, it almost felt like Jesus had literally left the room, simply slipped out the side door. It was as if he could not be there because of the disunity and in a way it was really hard to get him back in the room. Even in prayer it was hard to truly channel him. I don’t know about the others but I definitely did not feel resolved even after we all prayed together.

The root of all sin is self-centeredness and the way to fight it is to take the focus off of ‘self’.

Philip2:1-4 (NIV) 1 If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

I may have days when I want to pick up my cross and swing it at someone, but in those moments I must remember that the second I swing that thing I am draining it of all it represents and just being self-righteous. So one way that I have decided to fight pettiness is by praying for as well as praying with the people who bring it out in me.

Philip4:1-7 (Message) 1 My dear, dear friends! I love you so much. I do want the very best for you. You make me feel such joy, fill me with such pride. Don't waver. Stay on track, steady in God. Pray About Everything 2 I urge Euodia and Syntyche to iron out their differences and make up. God doesn't want his children holding grudges. 3 And, oh, yes, Syzygus, since you're right there to help them work things out, do your best with them. These women worked for the Message hand in hand with Clement and me, and with the other veterans--worked as hard as any of us. Remember, their names are also in the book of life. 4 Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! 5 Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute! 6 Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. 7 Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. (Emphasis mine)

It is really hard to be petty before God. It is even harder to hold on to insignificant things at the foot of the cross as we realize that we are no better or more deserving of the cross than anyone else. It is extremely hard to continue to hold a grudge against someone once you begin to hear their heart before God. Once you begin to see the things that are hard for them, their issues, their problems and their pains because as you pray together for them you will find that you can not help but care for them. I'm able to let go of the little things when I focus on Jesus first, other second and myself third. Once the focus shifts, who drank the last of your milk or used more toilet paper than you, doesn’t seem to matter quite so much.

"Today's Little Lift" from Jim Bullington

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