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What do an old woman, an attractive man and a blind man have in common? For me, these three have one thing in common. Over the past few weeks all three have deepened the lessons I have been learning about overcoming a part of my character that I wish to change.

The older woman I am referring to is a woman who shared some powerful lessons from her life at a recent conference I attended. As I sat and listened, her words cut deeper than any had in a long time. She taught me that a wise woman renovates her house. No matter how old I get I will forever be in need of renovating who I am. I have to continually pray to see things clearly, pursue peace aggressively, be prepared to throw out the things that are permanently stained, pay attention to what I think and feel and then decide to do what’s right despite the thoughts and emotions I may have. She helped me see that I can be self-deceived.

1Cor4:4 (NIV) My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.

She also pointed out that there is a way to overcome as I can break down any walls that have been built up inside me through faith. An important emphasis was added to the fact that this process can often take time and hence require me to have patience with myself. It can be a slow and grueling process but if I continue to pursue who I want to become I must ask what it will take and stick to my plan until I begin to see glimpses of that new person and until that person comes continue to admit when I am wrong in my behavior or speech to whomever happens to fall in my line of fire. I want to be a more patient, gentle and gracious person and I will fight to become that person even if it kills me. Recently, I really think it just might!

2 Peter 1:5-8 (NIV) 5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

I don’t know about others but I always tend to get overwhelmed by the above passage of scripture as to me it seems like a very long list and even one of the items on it could take years to refine and it is just easier to throw my arms up and say, “that’s too hard, no thank you”. On that note, let me elaborate how the ‘cutie’ helped me want to be a better me. So I don’t know about you but there is nothing like feeling humiliated in front of a person I find attractive to break me open in humility before God and to cut me back down to see my self as I ought. Yes, the ego gets a tad deflated and humility seeps in to the deepest crevasses. I recently experienced this as I stuck my foot in my mouth in front of someone I found attractive. Now, I have said stupid things in front of people I have found attractive in the past but this time it was different, this time I was a bit more raw and vulnerable and had felt like I had failed in this area one too many times. This time my knees were still bruised and raw from the last fall so as I took the metaphoric tumble I could barely hold back the tears brought on by the stinging pain. In the end I realized it was not so much that the person I had failed yet again in front of was attractive as it was my emotional state when it happened. I felt humiliated but it was I myself who had done the humiliating. I needed to feel this in order to see the extent of my sinful nature in this area of my life. I needed to get to a point where I was truly fed up.

2Peter1:3 (NIV) His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

I cannot change on my own. The blind men taught me to remember the miracles that I have seen and to allow God to continue to perform them in my character. The blind man I refer to is a compellation of the different blind men that Jesus heals in the gospel of Mark. As I have been studying out this gospel and reading over the miracles Jesus preformed, the healing of the blind struck me unlike ever before. See, many people saw the miracles and remained unchanged because of the condition of their hearts. It is the condition of my heart that will determine weather I accept to see the miracles and trust God with this part of my life and character as I have trusted him with so many others. In my many years of living as a Christian I have seem God work great miracles in my life, my character, my faith and yet I can still doubt.

Mark8:22-25 (NIV) 22They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. 23He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man's eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, "Do you see anything?" 24He looked up and said, "I see people; they look like trees walking around." 25Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.

I think this particular healing struck me more than some of the others written about because it took more than one time for the man to completely see. Sometimes God does things in my life in stages too and I must trust in the one who has the power to heal my blindness.

The moral of this story- simply that I don’t think it was the woman or the attractive man who had these profound effects on me. I think it was the condition of my heart which allowed me to see and hear what God has been trying to teach me in a lauder, more resounding way. When I made a decision to fight to conquer this part of my character and desired to see how truly detrimental it was to my relationship with God and those around me, that is when the scriptures cut my heart a little more than usual and I was able to see and hear others direction a little clearer. I am no where near arriving at the person I desire to become but I have been able to catch myself a bit more, to show more restraint and going from a score of 0-3 victories (zero being my score) to 1-3 over a span of one week is good enough to keep me fighting!

"Voice of Inspiration" from Andy Castro

Pretzel Love-Psalms 91:14