by Kasia Kedzia
What if you had to tell someone the most important thing in the world, but you knew they’d never believe you? Would you still try? I would.
Sometimes that’s how I feel when I think about sharing my faith with people whom I deeply care for. I know that I know the most important thing in the world but feel like I lack the words to communicate it in a way that they would believe. I try anyway. I try to communicate how I see them, the incredible qualities they posses, and how much God loves them. However, sometimes, as much as I see God’s love for others, I can lose sight of it for myself.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV) He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
You can seek all of your life, but you will never be fulfilled with anything but the truth. Every once in a while I lose sight of the truth and I try to get my fulfillment from other sources- how I look, my career performance, or what others think of me. It’s not always overt or drastic; it can seep-in in slight ways, over time. Sometimes it can just slap me in the face when I’m feeling vulnerable or lonely. In those moments the truth becomes a bit blurry. In those moments I can doubt my worth, I can undervalue the importance of my heart to God. It shows in my actions. I sell myself short at work or with others. The more I long for anything but God, the more I need to lean into him intimately and into his word for truth. We are perfectly imperfect. We are born precious and we are enough no matter what we do or do not do. God does not withhold any good thing.
I recently found myself in a situation that was off script. I found myself in unconventional circumstances, drawn to someone who did not share my faith, but indeed possessed the qualities I admire in Jesus. As I grappled to make sense of the situation I was in a very vulnerable position, wanting to share more of my heart than would be appropriate. It caused me to pause and ask, “why would someone value my heart if I did not value it first?” I was called to respect this man’s boundaries; however, as a daughter of God, I was also called to protect mine as well and yet I did not want to. I prayed to value my heart the way God did, for the wisdom and discernment to protect it, for the strength to heal from the past, as I saw that in many ways it was it that influenced my self-perception and not God. I prayed for the faith to believe that I was worthy of love at the right time. Yes, I kirked out for a minute, but my sanity was restored. I recognize that each person's journey is his or her own and I can witness their journey or I can obstruct it. In this scenario, Wisdom reminds me that a witness is an observer not an active participant.
What if you had to hear the most important thing in the world but you knew it was hard to believe? I’d try to hear it anyway. Sometimes it is us who need the reminder, we need to be reminded of our true value and the gift we are in possession of so that we can reclaim it.
When we do we can share it with others in the purest form by living our lives in the presence of God. When I do this I honor my heart, I protect it from the other things that can pull at it in this world. It is then that others too can see the most important thing in the world and believe it, not because we have told them but because we live it before their very eyes.
2 Corinthians 3:2-3 (NIV) You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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