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Quiet Time

    by Kasia Kedzia

The Things We Carry
Date Posted: September 1, 2015

I choose what I will carry inside of me. Surrender is being willing rather than willful. It comes not from grasping but from releasing, not from striving but from relinquishing, not from taking but from giving. This is hard, but what I carry when I am surrendered is so much lighter and more beautiful than what I once held on to. There are many moments where surrender momentarily evaporates from memory as I fall into sadness or grapple for my own way,, but what I carry by the power of surrender is still inside and it is true - God never fails to call me back to His love and restore hope.

2Cor3: 17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

I am a woman who is being transformed more and more into Christ as I wrestle with my heart, disappointments, hurts and fears. As I grow and allow the love and wisdom of God to be implanted in the deep, dark places of my heart where fear used to reside, I am becoming more like Christ. His Spirit brings freedom. I am able to release all to Him and embrace what he entrusts me to carry.

2Cor4:5 For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. 6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”[a] made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

It is not me but God who is transforming me, allowing me to see Him in greater clarity and depth. Calling me to be His servant on His terms not mine, to whomever he puts before me. A servant doesn’t bargain, or get a say in how to serve. A servant is called to follow the Master’s instructions. And the instructions are so incredible, because they are simply: Accept My love and share it, you who I call Mine (Is43:1).

2Cor4:8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.

I am broken but not crushed and I am carrying around the death of Christ in my body so that Jesus may be glorified in my daily life and so that I may offer life to those I encounter. And those who have held me up at my darkest moment, are those I supported in other seasons. His life and love is revealed in us as we continue the giving cycle. This is what salvation is - God making us ever new, ever more complete, renewing His likeness in us.

2 Corinthians 4:16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

So I choose to keep fighting. God makes me His wonder woman, created to do good works every day. I am NOT anyone’s savior. I have no power to deliver anyone. Not only do I not have all the answers, I’m still trying to figure out the questions. I am just a voice helping others prepare a way for the Lord. Even as I allow God to heal the broken places within me I pray to continue to fix my eyes on Him and Heaven, which is the ultimate goal of our lives. It is to that end that we struggle and strive so that one day we get to see Him and experience a completeness of love that can never be achieved on this Earth. When I carry Him inside I relinquish my will. I am His, to give. I am an image-bearer: the best version of myself, in Him.

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Biography Information:
Gods brought me a long way from the New York City Housing Projects. I studied the Bible, repented, and was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins when I was 17 and have been repenting and striving towards heaven ever since. The hardest thing about becoming a Christian at 17 was trusting that God would take care of me, meet my emotional teen needs, and help me overcome my enormous insecurity...what else would a teen girl have trouble with?

Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved  to DC  to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.

Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.

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