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Quiet Time
by Kasia Kedzia
When things get really hard or uncomfortable in life, or when I make poor decisions, there are two words that bring me great comfort: me too! However, there are two things that must happen in order for me to hear these words or be able to say them to someone else. The first is that I must experience the very circumstances that can lead to those words being spoken. The second, I must be willing to be gut level honest and open, volunteer my thoughts and actions.
Ecc1:9 (NIV) “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.”
Experiencing difficulty, pain or discomfort is not something anyone I know looks forward to. For lack of better words, I’ve definitely had my share of not so cool moments this year. These ran the gamete of physical and emotional pain to seeing some serious ugly in my character. Moments when I asked, “God what is your will for my life?”
Obviously, this was not the first year in my life I faced trials, but it was the first time I can recall approaching them radically different. I embraced these moments for what they were instead of fighting them or trying to run from them. There came a really eerie sense of peace and acceptance at times where in the past there would have been some serious fluster and fumes. Instead of trying to fight my way towards God after the smoke cleared, I found myself very aware of being drawn intimately close to him - by him. There were tears and there was fear as I had to exchange what I wanted for what He wanted for me, but there was no hostility and there was a notable lack of self-reliance.
As a result something amazing happened, almost an entire year later, I have been able to meet with and comfort friends and family with those two special words, ‘me too.’ Don’t get me wrong, in the throws of hardship if someone would have told me that it will allow me to comfort others I think I would have been greatly tempted to hit them, hard. Yet it did just that and more, it produced a raw and genuine sense of compassion in me that I had not been in touch with in a very long time. It should be noted, that these exchanges have not been broad and general; I-kind-of-know-what-your-going-through moments, but rather very specific instances where I could completely identify with ridiculous similarities in circumstance. There are people that God placed specifically in each of our lives that are waiting to hear, “me too.” People need to experience and understand God’s love and as Christians we have the honor and privilege to be ambassadors of that love. This is impossible to communicate without intimately knowing, experiencing and accepting his love.
I was empowered to comfort others because I accepted that Jesus indeed understood and comforted me. Jesus can relate to our weariness (John 4:6), to feeling disturbed (Mark 6:6), angry (Jhn2:15, sleepy (Mrk4:38), sad to the point of tears (Jhn11:35), hungry (Mtt21:18) and so much more. He also experienced great loneliness, after all he was a pioneer. He was the first to do what he did; to be the first to do something can be an incredibly lonely process. He went before us, and even those he gathered around him to help him doubted and messed up all the time.
Mtt 17:17 “’O unbelieving and perverse generation.’ Jesus replied, ‘how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me.’”
I don’t know about you, but I would’ve traded those guys in for new ones. However, Jesus did not reject his disciples even when they lacked faith. He didn’t say, “That’s it, you can go now, I’ll go find some other faithful people.” Every step of the way, he chose them and continued to breathe courage into them!
John 14:12 (NCV) I tell you the truth, whoever believes in me will do the same things that I do. Those who believe will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. (also see Mtt19:26)
I’m sure these guys had a ton of, “me too” moments that were not so victorious and some down right ugly ones too. After all, Paul was a murderer and Peter a liar. Jesus can relate to anything I go through and then some. In addition, he accepts and loves me through all my pride, stubbornness, doubt and faithlessness. He loved these guys through their crazy moments as he continues to love me.
Once I could connect with just how much Jesus could truly sympathize with me I was able to not only manage through the hard stuff better, but also share this comfort in a more tangible and vulnerable manner with others.
The first time in scripture that God describes himself, he uses the word compassionate followed by merciful, gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
Ex34:6 (NIV) And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” (also see other versions)
This is our God, the God that brought himself so low that we could hear him say, “me too.” This empowers me to be gut level honest and open with others not only about my ‘me too” moments but also about His. I still feel most exposed and open to judgment when I volunteer some of my thoughts and actions but these feelings quickly melt away as I hear, “me too”, if not in the room, then resounding from above. It is what empowers us to do and be more for God and others. It is what allowed me to let go of what I wanted and accept who God wants me to be. Because when we ask what God’s will for us is, we should not ask what should I do but rather, who should I be.
Ecc3:11 (NIV) He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
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Since those first days, I have made it out of the Projects, finished my Masters degree in International Development, and moved to DC to work in my field. As a young single Christian woman my struggles today are a little different than they were when I first came to know God, but who am I kidding, not much. It's the every day battle for my heart to be pure before God, to strive to please him, and help others to seek and know Him.
Over my years of a faithful walk with God I have received much grace and compassion and have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Through out it all one thing has stayed consistent: God's word. Through His word I have been inspired and it has kept me faithful even when faith seemed like a foreign concept and God seemed deaf to my prayers. I started emailing my Quiet Times which helped me stay accountable as I shared my struggles and fought for understanding. Some wrote back and said they too were inspired and could relate. I hope some of my times can help inspire others who are seeking and fighting just like I am, to get to heaven and take as many as possible with me along the way.
Like what your read? Check out my blog: http://stronggirlforlife.wordpress.com/
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